impulsive self-centered impatient extravert but with no friends

It's okay to be an extravert, no shame in that, after all I get so jealous whenever someone else is really loud and jokes in every sentence. But to be an extravert, especially one with no foresight for the future, yet relatively quiet and with poor social skills that's embarrassing and weird.

I want to minimize needs and look as invisible as possible because I personally find that attractive/pretty, yet at the same time if I were given the choice I'd rather be the size of a skyscraper than the size of a can of diet coke? And then I later realised why exactly that is, "simlike" and "sluglike" mean the same thing in the sense that these "non-simlike" people look down on the "sim-like people" in the same way human beings look down on slugs.

The truth is so unbearable that even death would be more preferable (providing thingie is indeed the case).

If only there were just clones of myself, people that I could actually *** relate to. Maybe that's got something to do with how I find the concept of self-multiplication funny for some unknown reason (identical clones of the exact same person).

I feel so lonely yet whenever I try to establish friendships with people I remember from school stalking them on ***/*** idk what to say to them, while away from them I beat myself up for being energised by speaking to them because that's what extraverts are like. But then cringing at myself for doing such a weird autistic thing like that.

Hysterical extravert but male and with no friends.

What a disgrace.

So careless and irresponsible they'll die of self-neglect.

So *** hysterical and impulsive (the opposite of how I'd like to be). 

I don't like "acting that way sometimes but not all the time". I don't want to act that way at all in the first place.

The price you pay for being your anti-self is being happier. 

The price you pay for being your ideal self is being sadder.

Select one option.

I'm jealous of those that deal with feelings of low self-esteem in ways different than I do because it shows they've got better foresight of the consequences than I do. I'm so vulnerable and naive and easy to take advantage of.