gymnastics, weight, and height do not go together for me

Hey everyone!
Back then, In 6th grade i was already insecure enough until my mom put me in gymnastics. i admit, gymnastics was fun, its just terrible with the group of people i got into. I was put into the 8/9-12 group i assume? level one. i didn´t have a gymnastics leotard. which was fine because leotards are optional. 

at 11 years old, i was quite tall child. my sister too. i was 5´7 and my sister was 4´10-4´11 possibly.. these girls within our age group were small and thin, all of them were possibly shorter then 4´8 and weighed less then 7 stones, considering most of them were younger then me, i didn´t mind it at all. 

Until around 2-3 weeks later. I started getting insecure and self conscious as i realized the ´pro´ gymnastics athletes were my height and shorter. i probably looked pathetic, i was even taller then the gymnastics teacher. eventually, i hated gymnastics because i couldn´t do most things the shorter girls within my age group were doing. 

i remember times i cried and i felt deep embarassment for not doing my hardest within those classes. i was scared of heights. typically we went on high beams without anything to catch us under and i had trouble not looking down, sometimes there was a thick mat to catch us, made me feel less nervous.

we had ropes, i thought i could climb up the rope and back down, i didn´t even move up that thing, that felt embarrassing. but the worst time was when i thought i could do something like a backflip, i was confident that day, i volunteered to go first with the new gymnastics teacher we had (after our old classes were done my mom signed me up again) and i was halfway there when i fell on the teachers hands and i felt so much embarrassment. 

years later, it still haunts me. i never want to return back there ever again. so far, no returns. i´m comfortable doing my own thing, and i´d much rather take classes for fun crafts 😊 (i did it once a fe years ago, super fun!)