Weight

@Redperson1234

When we already feel self conscience about something even  a change we do not let ourselves enjoy ....it may feel like it is not enough but in reality we need to be our biggest coach/ motivator and cheerleader .......... we can not do that if we are also trash talking to ourselves. It is also why i feel keeping weight off etc is so hard ... a big part is mental and not falling back into patterns and negative self talk. 

@Redperson1234

It'll take some time to get there but you'll be able to do it eventually. Appreciate every small bit of progress no matter how minor it may be because it'll give you the motivation to keep going :)

Thank you for the advice guys

Congrats on losing 20 lbs—that’s amazing! But I know self-esteem isn’t just about weight, and it can take time to feel truly confident. I found article that talks about different approaches to weight loss and mindset—it might be helpful. Hope this helps!

@Redperson1234

I was an emotional eater growing up, in fact, I was usually the "official" class fat kid.  In my teens, I lost weight in very unhealthy ways, only to gain it back and more.  I've probably gained and lost over a ton by now, literally.  Over time, my approach to weight loss improved,  but gain/loss cycles persisted.

Then about 15 years ago, I lost it and haven't gained any back since.  When people see me, it's beyond their imagination that I ever had a weight problem.  

You are very much on the right track as you address your self-consciousness and self-esteem issues.  You also seem to understand how negative self-talk undermines efforts towards positive change.  It's all to common for people to try and shame themselves into positive change, but that approach is debilitating, rarely resulting into anything more than a few days of resolve before the subconscious kicks in and reminds you that you're "supposed" to be incapable of succeeding.  

I remember Richard Simmons spending a lot of time with people in his exercise classes, addressing all manner of life situations and coping challenges.  He expressed a belief that weight management difficulty could be a symptom of other unmet needs or emotional issues, and at the same time, being troubled by weight can cause other emotional problems, such as low confidence, etc.  In other words, one can be stuck in a negative feedback loop where weight -> emotional problems and emotional problems -> weight problems.  

It seems that you and many others here understand this cycle or merry-go-round.  The challenge is to break free and relish the liberty of being free to the extent that old patterns lose their appeal.  

In my case, I had a lifetime of anxiety, depression, super low self-esteem, and in alignment with  the cult-like religion I grew up in, I was born guilty and there was no escape from it.  I craved food as a distraction from those feelings. It worked... for about 20 minutes at a time.  

I don't think a narrative of the steps I took to gain control of my eating would be very helpful, although maybe I should write a little e-book and sell it on Amazon. 😊

I do feel that there are some prerequisites to any sustainable change.  Developing a positive relationship with self is one of them.  What would you tell a friend who was very much like you and dealing with similar struggles?  Treat yourself as you would that friend.  To build confidence, it's necessary to start with very small steps.  Repeat them for as long as it takes to feel genuine self-trust.  Always trust your intentions and your heart.  That's the true essence of who you are.  There's never a valid challenge to your value or self-worth.  Negative judgment of others, although potentially irritating, is irrelevant and unqualified because they haven't lived your life.  

I've heard it said, that if you can sustain a change for 30 or so days, it becomes a part of you and can remain a part of you forever.  Small changes in the present moment that are repeated in the next present moments, can manifest purposeful and remarkable changes over time, allowing a person to reinvent themselves as they choose.