I don't have a personality
i believe I don't have personality which is a reason for my low self esteem and depression. I can say it all started from 2020 , I was an extroverted guy , I was in class 10th during 2020 , as lockdown hit , I was suddenly cut off with my frnds from like 9-10 months untill everything started but that's when I realised I was the only one cut off from literally my every single frnd i had that time , they all were in group chats , having fun during that time , it's not like they didn't had my contact, they just didn't included me ,that's when I realised how fake all were they and this was reason my self esteem began to shatter
I was forced to be introvert, i couldn't talk with anyone then , not even later in my college, highschool, I was literally spending time talking with online strangers bc i couldn't talk ppl irl , I had trust and attachment issues ever since.
Fast forward to 2023 , I moved to another city for my UG degree , I thought I will definitely change here , bc I was preparing a bit, I had started gym a year ago to get in shape , many online frnds supported me that time , , when I joined college, the main thing strike me again , I was not able to talk with anyone, especially with girls. It took me 4 months just to get noticed my a random guy in class to approach me , btw I'm good in studies so I was kinda being used by everyone in my life bc of that , his intention was same but still he talked with me , we became frnds , not just for notes but good frnds , and soon I was in group.
But still the main thing was ,I was feeling alone , lonely everytime, I live alone here I don't have any close person, I never had a gf or any much close frnd. I saw many couples around me I was jealous of them bc they are enjoying their lives where I'm struggling myself. I had online relationships , but never irl , I can confidently say I'm good enough to get any girl , but only online , im not confident enough to speak in public
Till today , 2024 , I'm still single , I just want to be feel what love is , and only thing that's stopped me is my low self esteem. I'm getting severely depressed because of this. Watching happy ppl toghether, I had several breakdowns since January till today that I must have not cried that much in my entire life , even tried offing my self once but didn't,
I have deep jealousy issues too , i get jealous even seeing two ppl fighting , like i want that too.
All of this , but one day I just scrolled through a common frnds who kinda rejected me indirectly saying she wanted someone just like me , but not me. I saw her bfs profile , i stalked him , that's when I realised, I don't have a personality, I'm literally nothing.
For example, that guy had photography as hobby, was studying computer science, had good looks , was good in talking too , I know i shouldn't compare myself to him but I was jealous for some reason.
I don't know what I'm going through, I'm really depressed i just want to talk with someone about it , what is actually a personality ? Do I have anything others would like , tbh the question is do i have anything I like ? Please can anyone relate with or help me ? I'm 20 rn , this all started when I was 16. It's been long time I'm facing all this ***
@amicableZebra1684 Relax, you have a personality. Read some books on how to talk to people. Read some books on how to pick up girls. You’re lacking skills, not personality. Stop panicking and start planning how to learn about social skills. We are not given a manual on how to navigate life so you’re not supposed to just “know” this stuff. You got this.
@PineTreeTree i think I get it, it's the skills I'm lacking, also yes I've been reading abt these all social skills development, self motivation, personality development, idk how it's helping me till now but I have minor changes in me ,.still I'm paranoid about myself everytime. Whenever I think about this all , i get uneasiness, I feel restless, idk how do I stop this
@amicableZebra1684 You might look into mindfulness practices and meditation. It can help you be less nervous and even if you are it can still take a lot of stress off of personal interactions. It’s just another skill, but it’s really powerful and can help in so many areas.
@amicableZebra1684 hi sweetie ❤ of course you have a personality, we all do in our own ways🙂 and yes your lovable, and many likeable qualities. Your problem is self esteem and confidence. Everything else about you is perfect ❤ trust issues are not easy to get over, bless you. I really hope you find the support here and in real life, to build back up your old self, it's not easy, but little steps, I have every confidence that you can do this ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ right here for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thanks a lot 😊❤️ ,.I just think no one around thinks I'm interesting or likes me , maybe there is no person there out till now that I haven't met who has same interests as mine or would like me ,.idk , makes me feel somewhat better as well as bit stressed like when I'll meet such one , anyways rn I'm focussing on my self , engaging in my favourite activities, as well as my exams are up so studying for them , they are not much hassle to me but it's fun to study. I wanna get rid of my trust issues , it's not easy but I'm doing good , same with attachment issues , I've left the reason for my issues long time ago , sometimes I get urge , but I can control when I think about consequences, I'd say I'm making fair progress in that.
@amicableZebra1684 your doing really great ❤❤ and your princess/prince will find you, never give up on love ❤❤ good things are waiting right around the corner, always believe that. Hugs you tightly ❤❤