Am I ungrateful?
My issues is that when people disrespect me (which is everyone all the time) I never stand up for myself. I always just let people be rude and interrupt me or cut me off or ignore me and I never say anything. Then I just let it boil inside me and I get so angry all the time, it’s like the only emotion I feel half the time. I’ve been exploding a lot more lately about little things because I have so many big feelings inside.
but my issues also is when I do say something, people get mad at me. For instance, a family friend just cuts me off mid convo and says I’m being too loud and need to quiet down. I get so annoyed when people tell me that. Well I snapped back because it bothered me and then things got awkward. She bought me a bunch of things that weekend so I started feeling guilty and ended up apologizing. But I didn’t apologize because I meant it. I apologized because I felt guilty since she bought me all these things. But I don’t if that makes me a bad person because I apologize out of guilt and not cause I actually feel bad. And now that anger I had before of her telling me to quiet down is still there. That happens all the time, I’m still angry because these people don’t listen and don’t understand. I’m surrounded by A LOT of self involved people who don’t take others feelings into consideration but I feel bad saying that cause they also buy me a ton of things yet disregards all my emotions. Their actions are nice but their attitude hurts. How do I tell people they hurt me without looking ungrateful?
@drzombienoodles I don't think you are being ungrateful at all. Also, you should never feel the need to only apologize out of guilt by accepting gifts from others who have hurt you. I would like to think when we apologize for our wrongdoings, it is because we truly, genuinely mean it. Constantly overtalking someone, spewing hurtful words, interrupting them, etc are not very kind things to do. A person can only take so much. It seems you take and take until you eventually explode on others. Have you thought about a better way in dealing with all of us? What is the worst that can happen if you express your feelings to people who hurt you while it is currently still taking place? Do you think if you did that it would cut down on you exploding with all these feelings and emotions bottled inside of you? I am hoping you find healthier ways in dealing with all this for your sake and others. Please continue to be kind and patient and understanding. While I make no excuse for the behaviors of others and how they do you, you never know they may be going through their own things. <3 I hope that you are able to find your voice soon so you can advocate for yourself and the respect you deserve to be treated with. :) Take care!
