Always found the concept of self-esteem confusing
Unhealthy though it is I've never been able to shake the idea that to feel good about oneself you have to EARN it and I never felt like I did. Maybe my reward center doesn't work very well, I rarely get a sense of achievement beyond "thank goodness that's over".
My family has given me tonnes of love and support and in a way I feel like I'm robbing them. They got me the best help they could find and in the end here I am, still living with them at 33, no income beyond disability assistance and no grandchildren.
I often compare myself to my brother. Wife, two kids, mortgage, steady job. Even with chronic physical health conditions he's working whilst I'm on "incapacity" because of anxiety. I understand my situation and know it's real but I can also see why others would think I'm just lazy and making it up. That hurts.
I'm looking for something I can do. Really hope it's not too late to have a good life and maybe give something back.
It's never too late :) All the best!
@modestWriter18
i can definitely relate to not feeling worth without having "earned" it. its so hard to give ourselves credit
@modestWriter18
A good place to start would be not comparing yourself to anyone. You are unique and even if you were a clone you would live you own life your own way. Being you is all you need be. Your family cares about you. When we learn to care for ourselves too is when we start healing.
You bring up a good point about ‘reward centers’ and self-esteem. I share some of the same life socioeconomic situations: disability, 30s, chronic health conditions. I also have a brother and I compare myself often, but there is no comparison. Things are so different. As you said, to ‘earn it’ is to work hard. I think about this also and how I can participate in a society which really has not treated me very well. I try to search for the truth and find balance in it. I have given up the idea of becoming successful or well regarded. It doesn’t happen for everyone.
Some people have things happen to them that can really make it difficult for them to receive recognition or acceptance. The self-esteem can take years to come back out of survival. I just keep trying and adjust my expectations because I know the kind of push back I often receive when I work hard. I try to work on intrinsic motivation and not extrinsic a lot too. What do you think about how your self-esteem could improve with some intrinsic thinking or activities? Maybe that would help those ‘reward centers’ which sometimes can feel non-responsive.
