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modestWriter18
2 9,177 M Pacing Forward 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts84 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 9, 2015
Recent forum posts
Poor sense of sexual identity
Relationship Stress / by modestWriter18
Last post
 September 29th
...See more As a teenager I came to believe that sex made you an adult and proved you were worthy of being loved. This belief is still with me. In my 20s as a socially awkward, anxious autistic guy I learned that "creepy" was the worst thing you could possibly be. I'm 33 now. Never managed to overcome either of these things. I still feel too weird to ask women out, but now it's compounded by being too old and still a virgin and therefore not even a real man. I don't know what I have to give in a relationship but that's a moot point because I've no chance to learn. I'm terrified this makes me an incel. I don't want to be a terrible person.
Always found the concept of self-esteem confusing
Self-Esteem / by modestWriter18
Last post
 October 7th
...See more Unhealthy though it is I've never been able to shake the idea that to feel good about oneself you have to EARN it and I never felt like I did. Maybe my reward center doesn't work very well, I rarely get a sense of achievement beyond "thank goodness that's over". My family has given me tonnes of love and support and in a way I feel like I'm robbing them. They got me the best help they could find and in the end here I am, still living with them at 33, no income beyond disability assistance and no grandchildren. I often compare myself to my brother. Wife, two kids, mortgage, steady job. Even with chronic physical health conditions he's working whilst I'm on "incapacity" because of anxiety. I understand my situation and know it's real but I can also see why others would think I'm just lazy and making it up. That hurts. I'm looking for something I can do. Really hope it's not too late to have a good life and maybe give something back.
I'm laying it all out here. Feel like I'm going insane.
Autism Support / by modestWriter18
Last post
 September 24th
...See more I'm from the UK, 33, male. Diagnosed with Asperger's at 8. It has made it hard to make friends. I struggled to get through school but eventually I got a degree. That's when the trouble started. None of the companies I could find within my degree's discipline would hire me. I volunteered and kept searching. In the end I asked a company called "Ways Into Work" for help. They send me on two courses that were completely outside my skillset. In the end I went on disability and have been on it ever since. I have been told these are just excuses. Here's the other part of the problem: I've never had a girlfriend. Never even kissed. Always felt like I had to prove myself worthy first but I never could. I have nothing to be confident about and I always hear how women don't want the unemployed. Apparently there's an autism-to-incel pipeline. I'd rather die than be one of those people. It feels like I'm doomed to be alone and unaccomplished. Am I blaming my condition? Possibly. All attempts to remedy the situation kept hitting walls. Most of my life has been a struggle to manage anxiety and now even meds aren't stopping it.
Missed my chance?
Relationship Stress / by modestWriter18
Last post
 October 29th, 2021
...See more I've been feeling anxious about my place in the world lately. I have a form of autism that makes social things difficult. As a result I have never had a job or a girlfriend. Never kissed, still a virgin. I turned 30 recently. I have tried to improve, still am, but can't help feeling like women won't understand. I'm afraid I've missed out on a lot and I'm past my prime. Lately just hearing or seeing the word "boomer" makes me feel slightly panicked.
Ticking clock
Anxiety Support / by modestWriter18
Last post
 March 11th, 2019
...See more I turn 28 this July. I am still a virgin, never kissed and it
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