Open Communication! Tips & Tricks!
Today, the mentor community had an awesome chat on open communication! We came up with an awesome list of tips, that I wanted to share with all of you!
ENJOY!
How to incorporate open communication into your life:
1) Avoid triangulation
2) If its a hard topic to discuss, overcoming fear is important to moving forward.
3) Remain judgement free. This helps you stay approachable!
4) If I'm not sure what to say, but I know I need to say something, I will write it out before hand, step away for a few minutes/an hour and then come back and see how I feel about what I wrote. This helps me process the most important points and gives me time to think through exactly what I need to say
5) Compliment sandwich, when it comes to giving feedback -- a compliment, something to work on, another compliment
6) If someone treats me poorly, I don't take it personally. I know I have strong communication and this person does not yet
7) Be ready to listen as much as you talk
8) Set some guidelines before you dive into the meat of the topic
9) DEARMAN technique: http://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
It's a really useful DBT technique for speaking with others. You first explain the situation as it happened -- objective to make sure you both know what you're referring to. Then you go into how you're feeling about that situation, talking about you, not them.
Then you go into what you want from the talk, what the goal is. Be clear and assertive in that. Then go into why this is good for both of you, how this works out for the better overall. Be calm, mindful, clear, confident, assertive. But also willing to negotiate. Like others said, it's a 2-way street, so let the other person talk and share their view and find something that works for you both and still reaches the goal
10) Staying focused/staying in the moment is important when communicating
11) Remember that we all see the world differently, we might have to adapt our communication style to fit someone else's world.
12) Not necessarily having an agenda when communicating also- being open to whatever they have to say. Being okay with hearing something uncomfortable
13) Adapting to different scenarios is important, like Sam says, but staying true to yourself and sticking to your beliefs is incredibly important, too. Somebody mentioned equality in chats before and it being a two-way street. You have to compromise, but so does the other person.
14) Non verbal communication- body language, facial expressions, etc.... Because your body language might be very different from what you are actually conveying with words.
15) Negotiation: What you think is the solution might not be what the other person sees as a solution. It may have costs that you didn't realize, or put additional stress or discomfort on the other person. Or maybe you benefit from it when they don't
If you're going to expect someone to go along with a plan, it should be one that they agree with, otherwise it isn't likely to work nearly as well. Because what you need or want is often different from what someone else needs, wants and is able to give to meet your and their goals. You need to figure out what's agreeable on both of your sides and come to a mutual understanding.
16) Compromise and collaboration mutually
17) It may be something you feel really opposed to personally but you cannot let that cloud your judgement while Listening
very helpful :) thank you <3
Honestly, I find that the best tip for having a person open up is by making fun of the names this website gives. (Hear me out)
My typical greeting to guests is "They sure do give goofy names to guests don't they absorbantfruittree2532. I was Twilightsparkle8532 before I became a member.
It works all of the time really, because well I was something like Twilightsparkle or Twinklerainbow etc. It not only helps them smile, it also establishes that you are paying attention to them, and it can get them to open up, feel relaxed, and become more prone to become a member because well, you can change your name to whatever you want as a member, however absorbantfruittree, if you like that name, then no big deal either :)
It also helps when later in a conversation you remind them that all of us listeners started as guests. We're not experts, we're not therapists, we're people just like you that need someone to talk to. It is those little things that you do that are important. If they tell you their real name, call them by it. If they prefer to not give out anything personal, then so be it, who they are isn't as important as why they are here.
Anyway, there's my ice breaker and it really works. It instantly establishes a friendly situation, will give anyone a little chuckle (the KEYpart is to mention what your first name was, otherwise it might sound insulting), and it gets people chatting about how goofy the names we get are, which is what you want to happen as a listener because the more they type, the more they will really express themselves.
So recap. This icebreaker is really dependent on you mentioning the first name you were given (Or although I hate lying, make one up or use one that you've read before). Because by doing that, you already established the first and most important thing : trust through a shared experience. And yes I was Twilightsparkles or TwinkeyRainbow or i honestly don't remember, but it is a miracle worker for breaking the ice because even though we are listeners, ALL of us came here as guests and then members.
Guests (and a lot of members) don't know that. they think we are all therapists, while really, we're people that just need to talk to someone too etc.
Sorry for the novel, I'll stop typing now :) Hope everyone had a great holiday!
Kevin D
Lovely post with many helpful tips and tricks. Glad I stumbled upon this :)
P.s.
Especially the "compliment sandwich" :D
Thanks Laura ♡
@Laura thank you laura. It is very informative and helpful. Thank you to the mentors too.