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Open Communication! Tips & Tricks!

Laura July 23rd, 2015

Today, the mentor community had an awesome chat on open communication! We came up with an awesome list of tips, that I wanted to share with all of you!

ENJOY!

How to incorporate open communication into your life:

1) Avoid triangulation

2) If its a hard topic to discuss, overcoming fear is important to moving forward.

3) Remain judgement free. This helps you stay approachable!

4) If I'm not sure what to say, but I know I need to say something, I will write it out before hand, step away for a few minutes/an hour and then come back and see how I feel about what I wrote. This helps me process the most important points and gives me time to think through exactly what I need to say

5) Compliment sandwich, when it comes to giving feedback -- a compliment, something to work on, another compliment

6) If someone treats me poorly, I don't take it personally. I know I have strong communication and this person does not yet

7) Be ready to listen as much as you talk

8) Set some guidelines before you dive into the meat of the topic

9) DEARMAN technique: http://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/

It's a really useful DBT technique for speaking with others. You first explain the situation as it happened -- objective to make sure you both know what you're referring to. Then you go into how you're feeling about that situation, talking about you, not them.

Then you go into what you want from the talk, what the goal is. Be clear and assertive in that. Then go into why this is good for both of you, how this works out for the better overall. Be calm, mindful, clear, confident, assertive. But also willing to negotiate. Like others said, it's a 2-way street, so let the other person talk and share their view and find something that works for you both and still reaches the goal

10) Staying focused/staying in the moment is important when communicating

11) Remember that we all see the world differently, we might have to adapt our communication style to fit someone else's world.

12) Not necessarily having an agenda when communicating also- being open to whatever they have to say. Being okay with hearing something uncomfortable

13) Adapting to different scenarios is important, like Sam says, but staying true to yourself and sticking to your beliefs is incredibly important, too. Somebody mentioned equality in chats before and it being a two-way street. You have to compromise, but so does the other person.

14) Non verbal communication- body language, facial expressions, etc.... Because your body language might be very different from what you are actually conveying with words.

15) Negotiation: What you think is the solution might not be what the other person sees as a solution. It may have costs that you didn't realize, or put additional stress or discomfort on the other person. Or maybe you benefit from it when they don't

If you're going to expect someone to go along with a plan, it should be one that they agree with, otherwise it isn't likely to work nearly as well. Because what you need or want is often different from what someone else needs, wants and is able to give to meet your and their goals. You need to figure out what's agreeable on both of your sides and come to a mutual understanding.

16) Compromise and collaboration mutually

17) It may be something you feel really opposed to personally but you cannot let that cloud your judgement while Listening


31
sid8080 July 26th, 2015

THANKS IT IS VERY HEPFUL THANKYOU SO MUCH

Sam July 27th, 2015

@Laura - Awesome. Thanks for summarising our discussion so brilliantly. It's something that will definitely benefit the entire community - hooray!

caringSmiles20 July 28th, 2015

@Laura, thanks for sharing! Very helpful tips in simple words. :-)

Br33zyS3tz July 28th, 2015

Great, informative, and imperative points to remember and consider Laura, thanks so much for sharing, for re-assuring and the overall clarification,

much appreciated, <3

1 reply
Lee July 30th, 2015

@Br33zyS3tz

You are appreciated, love. x

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Nia95 July 31st, 2015

This was a great post that could help people to improve communication with others

samc95xc July 31st, 2015

Thanks for sharing Laura!

nhenshaw July 31st, 2015

Thank you very much. This has been very helpful in my day to day life.

lilytails23 October 7th, 2015

Very informative post...Thank you:)

struggler64 October 10th, 2015

There are two great things I learned about communication in grad school (counseling major). First, if there is some sort of emotional issue between you and another person---use "I statements." For example, I recently told a friend, "When you are watching television while I am there, I end up feeling really lonely, like I don't exist." It lead to a great discussion, and a shift in our relationship that I really appreciate. I also made a parallel to how she feels when her room-mate is constantly on her hand-held gadget playing games.

Second, they told counselors to use tentative language, especially when what you are about to say might sound like a judgment. For instance, I might say to my friend, "I'm wondering what television does for you. Does it make you feel less lonely when your room-mate is playing her games?" This opens a dialogue and invites elaboration. Using tentative language defuses the defensiveness that judgments escalate. I might think in my head, "Why do you always watch so much tv? Get off the freakin' couch and do something, anything, get a hobby for crying out loud!"

However that approach is only going to get her really angry with me, and it will likely have the opposite effect that I want. I could lose my friend doing it that way, and it wouldn't help my depression a bit! Everything I've tried to do to get her moving has not worked, and she's said pretty clearly that she likes her life and doesn't want to do things differently. Very little dust has a chance to settle on me, so I think she is soon going to find that if she wants to connect with me, she'll have to find something to do that doesn't involve the couch, unless she catches me in a rest phase (and those are short!) Watching endless TV is not who I am. I want to be out walking, doing things, creating art. That is how I survive what this life has dealt me. I can watch a movie here and there---I like them. I don't want to watch one thing, and then another, and then another until I am in a stupor. Just sayin'! She can come along or sit on her couch and watch me ride my bike past her window. Her choice.

intheShadow0fmyself November 4th, 2015

<3