The end
I don't know how much I'm allowed say about this, I don't want to break any rules or upset anyone. But I have these thoughts that I can't tell anyone. I don't want to make anyone worry or seem attention seeking. But I don't want to be here anymore. It's more that I feel I shouldn't be here. I cause too much trouble. I don't have a plan but I have a date set. It just seems like the right thing to do, to leave and let people get on with their lives without all the shit I cause them. But I feel guilty because people always say it will ruin everyone's life etc. but surely being alive and upsetting everyone is worse? I'm mostly afraid for my niece and nephew, in case it scars them for life. They're only 3 and 5 and I wonder if they're young enough that they'd forget, or would it really traumatise them. I just don't know.. But the more things that happen everyday give me more proof that this is the right thing to do. I had my psych appointment two weeks ago. I told him I've been thinking about it but now that I have a date set and am trying to figure out a plan. I was talking to my cousin who actually works for a suicide charity but I could tell her either. I had to joke around and make her laugh. I don't want my family to know. I've put them through more than enough with all my shit. I don't know what to do. I know I won't do it but knowing I can keels me going, which sounds ironic but knowing this doesn't have to be forvever and there's a way out is good to know.