Forgiveness in shaban for the month of Ramadan

Some people ask how we should prepare for Ramadan. 

People's preparation can be different, some people try to fast more, give more charity and read more Quran. 

Others go shopping and buy whatever they need for the month so that they won't need to go shopping during Ramadan so much

However, one important preparation is to prepare one's heart to receive the month.  

The heart is important in Islam.  All action is judged by intention and our hearts bring us closer to Allah.  

Therefore, it is a good idea to try and purify our hearts and connection to Allah before the beginning of Ramadan.  

Since Ramadan involves our gratitude for the revelation of Quran, then avoiding things that keep us from that gratitude makes sense. 

One big factor that we are asked to deal with before Ramadan and that might get in the way of our spirituality is harbouring grudges, resentment, anger and hatred. 

We should try to improve our relationships with others during this time, and this might involve clearing up personal disputes and relationship issues. 

We are asked to forgive and make up with people before Ramadan and especially this night of 15 Shaban (the month before Ramadan) and this should help us benefit more from spirituality throughout the month when we are not harbouring anger or hatred towards anyone. 

Some people find forgiveness difficult because they think that forgiveness means excusing someone's action and letting them off. 

Forgiveness is not excusing bad behaviour and abuses, but rather clears our own hearts and selves from hatred, excessive anger or obsessing over something that happened. 

We can forgive someone and still hold them to account for wrong doing.  They might still go to court, receive a punishment, pay a fine and so forth but by forgiving we are acknowledging their humanity and that they made a mistake.

Empathy can help a lot when trying to forgive someone and understanding what happened.  Therefore sometimes it is necessary to talk or bring someone else to help the two people understand one another. 

Forgiveness is beneficial for us and might help us decrease negative emotions, lower blood pressure, reduce anger issues and improve our relationships.  

It can help us to increase our empathy and be more at peace with ourselves and others. 

Of course, when it is us who have done wrong we might need to put some effort into helping someone forgive us.  When we have made a mistake or harmed someone in some way we should be the ones coming forward to apologize and put things right. 

In Islamic law this means acknowledging your mistake with the person and requesting their forgiveness.  Also giving back things that might have been taken wrongfully, repairing or replacing something broken or correcting claims of slander and so forth. 

We can help people to forgive us through our own efforts and by trying to put things right when we did wrong. 

A person is allowed to avoid speaking to someone for three days.  We have been given this time period to allow us to avoid contact or talking to someone when angry, and to calm down. 

After three days a person should at least begin acknowledging the other person by greeting them.  Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said that the best of the two is the one who greets first. 

If people don't get on or wish to remain friends then we are asked to keep to the lowest level of interactions, which is greeting one another and avoiding negative feelings towards others. 

In this way we can hope to maintain our own inner peace and peace amongst those around us. 

Here are some relevant links concerning Shaban and forgiveness. 

About 15 the Shaban:

 https://muslimhands.org.uk/latest/2019/04/the-importance-of-15th-shaban-night

Benefits of forgiveness:

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-3144954

If you have some experience with forgiving others and how it made you feel or benefited you feel free to share it