Frustration in church

Hi, this is mostly a rant. I didn't want to post it in the negative thoughts tag, because I feel like my personal relationship to God is still good. But warning: critical thoughts about the church and priesthood are ahead. I'm quite sure also that I am at fault for arrogance.

I went to mass for the first time in a really long time yesterday. I felt like I was ready to give the church another go, because I've been healing my relationship to religion and I missed participating in mass. But, just as I was afraid of, the moment the homily began, I felt everything crumbling. It's like I've spent so long reading and praying and reflecting, and hoping someone would clear my thoughts or at least seem to understand them. The homily instead was just a repetition of the reading, with slightly different words. I feel so disappointed and at the same time guilty for being disappointed.

I've been going through a hard time lately and I don't know why I thought being in community would help me. I'm not sure if my root mistake is thinking that, when maybe I should be content with my own prayer and reflection, or if it is judging the homily, which I should listen to with humility and understanding