Ethics of grief
Hello everyone. I have an inner dilemma I'd like to share. I feel this community is very welcoming, so I'm encouraged to talk about this, which is something that has worried me for a long time.
Two years ago my grandfather, the person who understood me best in my life, passed away. The circumstances were very sad and meant I could not say a last goodbye. It has been a painful reality to come to terms with.
About that time I was already spiritual and starting a journey that would lead me where I am now: a state of faith in God. Because of my beliefs, I now feel the impulse to pray for my grandfather. However, he was not a religious person and was very adamant that he didn't want any such attentions even after death. I wouldn't want to disrrspect his memory, but I always keep him in my thoughts, whether I am praying or not. Is this right? Does anyone have a particular affirmation or prayer that might be relevant to this situation?
@rhodawoolf
hello there rhodawoolf, sorry for your loss.
I understand how painful is to lose someone emotionally close.
From a religious perspective, the prayer is a way to connect to God to also share the struggles and as far as I know, it's said to be a positive act of care to pray for someone else, also when they pass away.
Specific prayers ( the words-sequence depends on the religion you follow, they may vary), can help with specific life situations (like praying for someone we lost).
Wishing you to find a way to gradually heal from that pain 💙
@MeaningfulSilence
Thank you for your support 💛 I agree, to me praying for someone is an act of care and remembrance.
I just doubt myself because praying is something my grandfather did not appreciate. I believe he had some negative experiences with religion. I think it's inevitable for me, though, to keep him in my thoughts when I pray. I've been trying to have a specific time to pray for him, when I reflect also on pieces of religious writing that I know he loved. I want to find an intersection between my wanting to pray for him and his own ideals
@rhodawoolf
Hi there!
It's good for you to come and share about your emotions, I think it can help you while you are still processing them 💙
@rhodawoolf I am sorry for your loss. Losing a grandparent can be like losing the closest friend.
As far as saying things to ones we lost, you might want to express those things you wanted to tell them in a letter or a journal as a way to say the things you long to talk about. I talked about all the kindness they showed me and all I learned from them. I can really pour my heart out to an open page. I even emailed myself to type part of what I wanted to tell them. It is never too late to say what we wanted to say to them. Maybe that might be your "prayer."
I think it is okay to respect their wishes and just wish that they be at peace. What about a silent meditation? Whatever feels comfortable to you.
Thank you for your understanding and some great advice @soulsings 🙏
I really like the idea of writing to our lost loved ones and will definitely put it to use! I have so much in my heart, I know it will be good for me to write it. At the moment it's still a bit difficult. Time has passed, but it still makes me very sad to think about what happened on my own. My grandfather practically raised me, so there is a huge gap in my life without him.
I think maybe that's why I lean so much on prayer too, I feel less alone. Often meditation mixes with prayer for me, as I feel a connection to God whenever I step back and open my heart and mind. But it's true that silent prayer/meditation might be a better way to keep my grandfather in my thoughts than by saying traditional prayers
@rhodawoolf so what you are saying is you lost more than a grandparent, you lost your father figure. All the more reason to start the gratitude journal. I lost my dad and I had to reinvent my self image because it was wrapped up with him.
@rhodawoolf Hi, I'm Celine :) I'm sorry you're going through this. In your situation, it's important to honor both your beliefs and your grandfather's wishes and values. You can find a balance by creating a personal ritual or prayer that respects his memory while aligning with your faith. You know him best, so do whatever he would want you to.