Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

An online relationship confusion

mariainfj April 17th, 2022

Well since the beginning of March I have been talking to a guy on the social platform “Quora”. Before that I was rejected by a guy in my class I deeply loved so in the back of my head I had the desire to find someone else to replace him. Tbh I actually liked his energy whenever we were texting and the feeling of getting a new message. After some conversations, he asked me if I have a bf and then after a few days we were together. At first I was really satisfied because in just 3 days we had formed an honest relationship where we trusted each other and we were free to say whatever we wanted. I have to mention that I always knew all that comfort would end up on something sexual. And I hated that idea. Just a few days later he started confessing to me about how he’s sexually attracted to me, he imagined me and had the urge to see me naked and everything. Then I talked to him about my demisexuality and how I’m not interested on sex yet maybe because I’m also young. He didn’t give up on me for that but since then he constantly made effort to actually understand why I don’t get sexual feelings and tried to change that. A week ago it was the day when he asked me for nudes. I’ve always known this would happen. No matter how much I was telling myself that he’s all good and would never do that I couldn’t imagine anything else this relationship could lead to. Obviously I had prepared my answer long time before and I said NO. Then he started telling me that he understands and knew I wouldn’t send them from the beginning but he was too desperate to see me naked and telling how much it hurt him and everything. I totally understand that we both seek different things in our relationship and I try to understand his desires but I’m really not able to please any of them. Since that whenever I texted him a long paragraph explaining how I actually feel about everything he wouldn’t reply for days until I triple texted him, obviously because he wanted to avoid getting “hurt” etc. And whenever he replied he said that I don’t make effort to compromise, that I didn’t trust him, that only my problems exist etc. Then after some more times of him not replying or replying by making arguments about his feelings and me responding with mine, I decided we had to end it. Then I didn’t plan us to go back together but after 2 days I missed texting him a little and I just wanted to check on him and when I asked him how he was doing he said that he was a little depressed because of me. So idk why but at the end of my message I asked him to stay with me. And now we’re still together but then he kept up with those arguments. The problem is that I don’t know what to do with this relationship. I don’t know how to please each other. I feel that he would only be truly pleased with something sexual but it’s not the same for me. My purpose in this relationship was to have someone to be there, to talk to, to love, to dream of etc. But I’m sad to think that a relationship always has to lead in something sexual which I’m not ready for. I’m just 13 but the only thing I wanted was someone to love me and remind each other every day. Someone to cuddle with and to have fun with and feel comfortable around but at the same time feel your heart floating in love whenever you look at them. Idk should I move on and breakup with him ? Because I really don’t see him being the way I dream. I’m afraid I’m in love with the idea and not the person... What should I do ?

2
ouiCherie April 23rd, 2022

@mariainfj

It does sounds like you're in love with the idea of a genuine love and mutual respect. And I support you on that 🤍 I also agree with you that 13 is too young for anything sexual, let alone to take a risk of leaving such a digital footprint. The risk is always there.

Your boundaries deserve to be respected and one who matters won't mind. Take care Maria! 💜

mariainfj OP June 12th, 2022

Uf I’m so glad this all ended. I’m reading this after 2 months and I kinda cringe out with what I wrote lol. Anyways here’s how I got rid of that guy. It literally happened by itself. We continued talking and being happy with each other until the end of that month - Easter holidays. Exactly how I expected it lol ! At first he had just deactivated his account on Quora and then I realized the account was deleted because the username was something like: “User13838” haha. Thinking why this could have happened so suddenly I thought that because he had told me his parents are strict and they don’t allow him to have social media and stuff, if they found out about Quora they would have taken away his phone so I’m just assuming he’s okay. That’s all I care about since I knew this would end soon anyway. And the fun thing is that it went exactly the way I had expected it. I know it all had a meaning just for myself and I’m happy to say that I’ve moved on. But just from him not with life in general... :/