Why Can't I Get a Date
My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. Everything I've read says that I should go on at least a coffee or lunch date with two other guys to help remind myself that other men are out there and that I am a catch. Funny thing is, I know I am a catch. I'm attractive, fun, smart, well traveled, compassionate, and understanding. I always tend to attract insecure guys...but now, i can't even get one guy to message me on the four dating sites I am on, two of which I paid for. I don't know what's going on. I've gotten messages before. That's how I met my ex...It's been three weeks on those sites and I've gotten a few non-commital messages that go no where or start with 'hi'.
@warmheartedHuman2014 Sometimes people come into our lives when we least expect and when we are not looking specifically. It sounds as though you have only recently broken up with your ex. Have you considered giving yourself time to deal with how you may feel about the separation? Perhaps just get involved in some fun activities, meet up with friends, go out for coffee, get involved in hobbies, sport, whatever your interests are etc and then see how you feel once a period of time has passed? Getting a date is not solely dependent on whether someone is a good catch or whether they are pleasant to the eye so to speak, well travelled, though compassion for others is certainly a quality a lot of people admire in others. People are attracted to others for all kinds of reasons. You may stumble across someone you click with and who clicks with you when you least expect. You mentioned you had split only a few weeks ago but are on four dating sites. Have you ever spent any length of time not in a relationship? If you have mainly been in relationships how does it feel to imagine being single for a while?
@dancingRainbow45 Thank you for your reply. I was single up until I was 22. I dated a guy for a month or so while on a cruise ship contract. I was single again until 4 years later. I have been single most of my life, but because I wanted to. I was afraid of a relationship. The past 5 years have been me attracting very insecure men and two of them I've been in relationships with. I only seem to attract these insecure men. My longest relationship was with a guy in another country. I lost a lot of friends while living there. I only have two friends left here and I rarely see them. So, I am looking for new friends, a new job, and just someone to chat with an hang out with. I'm not necessarily looking for my husband with every guy I may meet. I actually have never 'dated' anyone. Just only relationships...I'm 32 now and I'm afraid that it will only get harder to make friends and meet eligible men the older I get...
@warmheartedHuman2014 Break ups can be very hard and upsetting, but try not to wait around for someone else to come and replace your ex because when the time is right that person may come when you least expect it. Focus on yourself more, your hobbies and interests and have some you time, this will help with getting over the break up. I hope this helps and I hope you find happiness and peace 
@talkinghelps20 Thank you. I don't even think I could find someone in my hometown as openminded as my ex. I actually stayed friends with him for a year because I didn't want to loose that. But then, I gave him a chance because he seemed trustworthy and he adored me. He has a lot of issues to deal with, I'm ok with that, but I think he pushed me away because his feelings starting causing those issues to rise to the surface after he hadn't been in a relationship in two years. I'm just hoping to find someone to just spend time with. Coffee/tea or lunch here and there...
@warmheartedHuman2014
I understand how you feel. I was a late bloomer so to speak that didn't start dating till I was nearly 20. I was married for 15 years. When we separated I joined sites like you how ever never really got any hits. I found one but he was 2 hours away and didn't have a job. As I have 2 kids and barely make ends meet as it is I can't support someone else. Since him I have taken a sabatical of sorts. I am not as sure of myself as you are, but I still can't seem to find anyone. I feel like I am going to end up alone for the rest of my life. But as the saying goes, someone will come into my life when I need him. It may be years from now or it could be tomorrow. All I know is that I need to think about what is best for me and my kids right now. Doing that I will end up finding my special guy somehow.
So what I am thinking maybe your trying too hard. Relax. Take some time to be you. It will happen when it's time.
@warmheartedHuman2014
You seem to already be aware that you are 'wantable' - forcing dates to boost an esteem that is still rather intact/ingrained fresh from a break up may be unnecessarily taxing and tiring. It's not the end of your dateable life, and a few misses on fast food dating sites doesn't mean anything. Maybe you'll find that if you take this time to focus on yourself, enjoy and learn being 'alone', take up a new hobby, etc - time will pass quickly and you'll likely just naturally find someone new.
@WildUnknown thank you. I guess sometimes I feel that, even though I'm confident and feel lovable, that I am too different to find love.
I am doing a lot to keep myself busy though. I do aerial yoga, hike, study, volunteer at the animal shelter, am looking for a new job, and go to the city once a week to sit in a cafe or have a drink.
Ive done loads of self reflection, book reading, and meditation.
Whats missing? Having someone important in my life. I'm also looking for friends as well since my two friends here are busy with their own lives and I don't know many people here...
i feel like I'm doing all the right things. I'm just a bit lonely is all and would like to share my life with someone.
