When do you know if you’re the toxic one?

Hello everyone.

I just had a quarrel with my partner and we do this really often. Most of the times they are caused by very minor things which I perceive to be major. Like for example, playing coop games together then fighting because “you weren’t supporting me like you should!” kinda stuff. Sometimes I feel like it’s childish until my cousin told me that my games are important to me and I just felt glad she understood that and I longed for my partner to understand that as well. My usual question to my partner when we fight is “Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from?”.

I do admit I have some anger issues and usually I start the fights most of the time. Like for example today, I was cleaning our table mats and I wanted help hanging them because my hands are full. My partner was in another room listening to music while I was in another shouting at him for help.

I got really angry because I felt like he was intentionally not trying to listen to me. I told him he should apologize even if it was intentional or not because it was hard for me to shout and do chores while no one is listening which made me really mad and made me start this fight. He told me that I’m pretty close minded as well, that I’m not listening to his argument. He keeps on saying he didn’t hear me from another room. I don’t understand how that’s supposed to be an answer to my demand for an apology, it didn’t change the fact that it hurt me because it seemed like he was ignoring me, you know just like when you accidentally bump on someone and still you say sorry. I just felt so invalidated and like my feelings did not matter to him at all. All his rebuttals feel like excuses, like he’s removing himself from the main problem at hand.

He told me he won’t say sorry now because I’m already mad, I don’t understand how he could think of it that way. I was so angry I told him “If you were to pick between apologizing and having to end this relationship I’m sure you’d pick to leave” and he replies saying if you want me to leave then I’m not forcing anything. It feels like he’s not willing to exert any effort at all. I told him then that he should leave because we’re not willing to understand each other anymore.

Am I being the toxic one here? I feel like I’ve exerted enough patience in this 2 year relationship but I do admit that my anger bursts are really hard to control. Do you think this relationship is still worth fighting for? We’ve been at circles like this for 2 years now. Hoping for your relationship advice and also anger management advice if any. Thanks!