Unrequited love (is a big pile of crap)
Hello, you lovely lot!
Okay, I'm going in at the deep end! I am in love with my best friend. He is twice my age, has been with his girlfriend for over 10 years, and is the kindest, most generous and lovely person that I have ever met.
I've known him for just over a year now, and been in love with him for exactly one year. There was a period where I didn't see him for a few months, and the distance made the love more friend-like, but then I started seeing him a lot again and it all came rushing back like a giant bloody wave!
I don't think he loves me. That's the thing that bugs me. I don't know that he doesn't, I just don't think he does. I cling onto hope so bad- the constant inside jokes that we have, the intimate hugs and eye contact that lasts a little bit too long.
We're best friends, so I would never tell him how I feel. I feel lucky enough to be in his life as his best friend, and I couldn't imagine losing that. But it's so frustrating. I want to travel the world with him, I want to speak to him all of the time. I want to be with him, but I know due to the obvious fact that he has a girlfriend, that I never can.
The problem is, whilst he is my best friend, I know that this feeling is always going to be there. This is where I need some of your advice! Should I give it some distance (we speak pretty much every day) to get over him?
I'm open to any suggestions of how to cope with this!
Thank you thank you thank you for reading this ramble :-)
Wow Laracroft, that is a tough spot to be in. It must be heartwrenching if you see him with his girlfriend. If you do, I think that might be your best clue as to his feelings, not just towards you but mainly towards her. How does he treat her? Does it look like a mutually loving and charged up relationship? If so, then you may have to accept that as where his heart and soul is right now. If the friend/imtimate moments are something that you hang on to - I'd ask myself- is that enough(for you?) It might be that he enjoys your attention and would like to try to just string you along for his ego. Some folks are just big flirts and that is all. It sounds like it will be nearly impossible for you to maintain an friends-only deal, especially since they is some ambiguity. His girlfriend has a right to loyalty frlom him too- and you can relate to that as you would want the same in a romantic relationship. This is all just observations. We don't give advice here, but I listened and I definitely know this is hard. The only thing harder is if you stay unfulfilled with your needs, or if someone in this "triangle" gets hurt with a rash moment of indescretion. You will figure it out. Meantime-I'd certainly try to find other people to do things with, and talking every day will just prolong the limbo for you. My best wishes for your soft and loving heart.
@MusicCandy
This is the most helpful thing that anyone has ever said to me regarding this. Thank you so so much for taking the time to listen, I really appreciate it :)
I'm the type of person that gets over excited about almost everything, so I'll try to point my excitement somewhere else, rather than him. I have an insane amount of wanderlust, so that's a good place to start!
Thank you so much for opening my mind. I get so caught up with him that it's hard to think about other perspectives- but there's something in what you said that's allowed me to look at things in another light, and I'm tremendously grateful for that. Thank you again, I hope you have a beautiful week! :-)
@laracroftiI'm happy that another set of eyes and ears could help. It is always different from the outside. I was caught up in a fiery relationship that was mutual, but circumstances would never have allowed it to be permanent. I finally asked myself if I wanted the relationship that I "might have had"- a wild and wonderful fantasy - or the life I CAN have. Not the same, but not that bad either. You enjoy a beautiful week too. Life is short, my friend.