Today…
https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipFriendshipSupport_66/ShareYourStory_1034/BeenAWhile_297866/
I know the issue, why we clash and why we love each other so much. It’s said that opposites attract - clearly that’s what our romantic relationship was. I can see things in her she and other exes of hers haven’t seen. Or can’t see. Anyway the actual reason we have trouble is because of our upbringing. I don’t know how much she understands this but we both came from homes where at least one parent was abusive. Dad was physically abusive, I’m not going to say much more than that. I’m still scared of him even though he’s “different.” Mom, well she’s the best mom you could have. Everything a mom should do she’s done, and beyond. She’s always been my support system, my mom I mean. So I have a good relationship with my mom, I feel like I can tell her almost anything. While searching through Google yesterday though I came across relationship attachment issues, and everything just kinda clicked again. That seems to happen a lot. I can already tell you that I’m 99% sure she is an avoidant, and myself I am anxious. Kinda crazy it took me this long to realize. I don’t think that damns our relationship but I think it makes it really, really difficult. And maybe that’s what she sees in me, someone her dad wasn’t. What do you think?
@johnng823
I agree with you that our upbringing and values determine to a large extent who we are in relationships. Influences while growing up also have a part to play, as you've mentioned. Also yes, understanding that the 2 people are different does not mean they cannot build a relationship if they are determined to do so. A relationship needs effort from both partners to work towards building a future together in kindness, love, support (and whatever values the partners hold dear). Personalities are an important aspect of the relationship, however mutual love, respect and genuine intention to make it work, go a long way.
So yes, I agree, if both are willing to put in the effort, it is certainly possible.