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johnng823
1,078 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts138 Forum posts66 Forum upvotes80 Current upvotes80 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceJuly 21, 2022
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I Don’t Know Anymore
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 May 30th, 2023
...See more I haven’t been on here in a while, I haven’t needed it. I’ve kinda visited a couple times, but never spent more than a couple seconds just checking everything out. I’ll start at the beginning, a very good place to start. In February my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. It should’ve bothered me more but it doesn’t, I guess our relationship was so toxic I let go a long time ago. We always had issues, she would push me away & I’d try to fix things but it just never really helped any of the situations we were in. We would break up and get back together, because I’d be sick of dealing with her but feeling like she was the best I was going to get. I know now that’s not true. I had a little trouble and it does make me sad I guess but this isn’t why I’m back here and struggling. Fast forward a couple weeks. I went on this app for talking about your mental health with others like you hoping to really get some of what happened off my chest. That’s when I started talking to this girl. I thought she was so great, so cute and sweet. Maybe she was and it was all a misunderstanding. Anyway I talked with her for about a month and was pretty enamored with her. Thought for some reason I was in love but now I realize it was just infatuation. I’m not going to go into specifics just because I don’t want this to be too long, but that went downhill too. And when that happened I was really upset about it and that is because I really thought that girl was different and I believe she was different. But she wasn’t. I started talking to a couple people about how I felt about it, and this one girl saw one of my posts, and she actually reached out to me. She comforted me, she was there for me, understood how I felt, made me feel like I wasn’t garbage and I started to fall for her really hard and pretty fast. I am still talking to this person, and she is absolutely wonderful, I could talk about her and how great she is for ours. So we’re not officially together, but we are, if that makes sense. We agreed to be mutually exclusive, but we don’t have any titles. No boyfriend and girlfriend though we really are. We honestly love each other, we say it to each other. There are a couple problems, one that really bothers me and really affects her. The main issue is before we started talking. There was this guy that she was interacting with. This man is not a good person, but he is very manipulative and still is. He’s just not a good person and he hurt her a lot. He basically played games with her heart… said some things to her that I’m not going to repeat but just used her for his own enjoyment if you get what I’m saying. She never met this man, they were long-distance, and not really in a relationship with one another. That’s probably a little bit of why we aren’t in a relationship with each other. She is scared of him and terrified of being hurt again. I guess in reality I’m scared of him too, just not in the same way that she’s scared of him. She scared of him manipulating her and physically harming her. I’m scared of him because I’m afraid that because he knew her so well and because they got so close, and because his is so manipulative, really frankly evil he will be able to talk her away from me. There are a little signs that could happen. Some of the things that she says about him, like the other day, she was writing a poem about him, and it got kind of lusty. And she thinks about him a lot. He’s kind of stalker-ish. Like he interacts with her in different forms, but doesn’t say who he is. It’s kind of obvious sometimes and even though that I never talked to the guy when someone popped up, I could tell it was him. I get this gut feelings, and apparently I was right. She wrote a poem about him, saying that she knew that the person who had been interacting with her stuff was him, but not really out right and that person deleted his account. That’s pretty telling. It really bothers me and it really scares me that he could just say all the right things, maybe paint me in a bad light, I don’t know. But I honestly really care for her and I’m honestly really scared of losing her to him. I’d say he’s garbage, but he’s below that, she thinks that he’s done this to other women and I agree. It’s hard on whatever relationship that we have and it causes problems especially when her whole attitude can change on a dime when she thinks about him or interacts with him and realizes that it is him. What can I do? She says that she loves me and wants to be with me, I even think she’s really close to actually wanting to label whatever this relationship we have together is. It’s also that I hate to see her hurt. It’s angry, it’s upsetting, it makes me just want to be there for her and take care of her. But like him, we are long distance as well so I can’t do that. We talk a lot and I know that I bring her a lot of comfort. She’s experienced a lot of firsts with me. Like the first guy not to beg her for pictures of that way, the first guy to really try and not stop trying. The first guy to make her feel like she has worth. She trusts me. I trust her. I don’t know what to do.
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This is a stupid day
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 15th, 2023
...See more Yes. I’d a stupid day
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This is so difficult to say….
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 13th, 2023
...See more I hope she never sees this, because I don’t know what her response would be. It’s a harsh reality and she doesn’t understand, and I won’t tell her. But these years with her were great… I just wish we never made contact again. See we knew each other in 2013, stopped talking for some reason, and we’ve been in relationships with each other since she messaged me in 2018. I just don’t want to remember anymore. I don’t want to see her in my head. In my dreams. When I close my eyes. I want the dreams where she’s with someone else, they need to stop. I need to move on, even if she comes back I don’t know if I can deal with it and her like before. I JUST WANT TO FORGET EVERYTHING. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ6wpG6eKYE
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Heartbreak ❤️‍🩹
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 13th, 2023
...See more From pain caused by one, to pain caused by another. I get it. We’re equal now. But in reality we aren’t. You ignored me for days. I tried to get your attention. But you would have none of it. You were always too busy to see me. Now I know because I wasn’t important to you. That’s not how you treat someone you love.
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I trusted you
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 25th, 2023
...See more I stupidly trusted you. I thought you’d always try because I thought… I thought you loved me like I love you. But obviously that’s not the truth. It hurts so much. I never ever thought you’d say those words I heard from so many. “I need to work on myself.” “I don’t want to be in relationship right now.” “Let’s just be friends.” All the same thing. I get it, I hurt you. But you hurt me too and every time I tried to save us you weren’t interested. Maybe that’s the truth though, that you weren’t as interested as I thought you were.
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I’m not..
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 11th, 2023
...See more I’m not doing well today. I’m breaking down and there’s no one to pick me up. My world is falling apart. The person I love the most doesn’t want to be with anymore. I’m like I’m drowning and it’s my fault. If I could’ve been more understanding, or stood my ground when I told her I’d only stay if we would go to therapy and I failed to keep that promise to myself and her. I just couldn’t be without her and now it doesn’t matter really, does it? I see her when I close my eyes, in my dreams. There’s no escaping her.
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Today…
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 11th, 2023
...See more https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipFriendshipSupport_66/ShareYourStory_1034/BeenAWhile_297866/ I know the issue, why we clash and why we love each other so much. It’s said that opposites attract - clearly that’s what our romantic relationship was. I can see things in her she and other exes of hers haven’t seen. Or can’t see. Anyway the actual reason we have trouble is because of our upbringing. I don’t know how much she understands this but we both came from homes where at least one parent was abusive. Dad was physically abusive, I’m not going to say much more than that. I’m still scared of him even though he’s “different.” Mom, well she’s the best mom you could have. Everything a mom should do she’s done, and beyond. She’s always been my support system, my mom I mean. So I have a good relationship with my mom, I feel like I can tell her almost anything. While searching through Google yesterday though I came across relationship attachment issues, and everything just kinda clicked again. That seems to happen a lot. I can already tell you that I’m 99% sure she is an avoidant, and myself I am anxious. Kinda crazy it took me this long to realize. I don’t think that damns our relationship but I think it makes it really, really difficult. And maybe that’s what she sees in me, someone her dad wasn’t. What do you think?
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Been A While…
Relationship Stress / by johnng823
Last post
 February 8th, 2023
...See more It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, more than six months. Things were going great, now it seems to be falling apart again. I don’t even know where to start. I guess my …relationship issues… since that is why I am back. In most of my romantic relations I’m never the one to leave. I don’t know I just think if it’s love it’s worth trying, right? And not giving up so easy. My grandparents had issues for years yet they were together happy for 99% of it until he passed. I try to live by that. So me running, I can’t say it doesn’t happen. It does. But with this girl I’ve been with off and on for about 3-ish years… I seem to bolt when things go wrong. I’ve left this lady like four times, and I hate myself for it. Yet some how she still has feelings for me, and I still have feelings for her. She deserves someone who will stay. It’s just that things go wrong and I don’t think she knows how to handle her emotions very well, so when she pulls away, becomes distant for weeks at a time I don’t know what to do. And it’s not just me, either. She just seems to have problems with people leaving, and I didn’t want to be like that but it happened. The last time we saw each other we had a pretty big fight about not spending anytime together and both of us not communicating or listening. But when we got out of the car though, we had so much fun, were holding hands, kissing and all smiles. Yesterday after a year apart we finally saw each other. I don’t know why it was so long, I think part of it is she was busy like she said, but I also think she was avoiding me. A lot of people tell me to leave permanently but I just can’t. Something draws me to her like a moth to a flame. I feel terrible I keep leaving and like I think I said I can definitely see it from her point of view especially with her kid who I thought didn’t care about me. Her mom gave me the same kind of feeling. She and I are both damaged goods. If you go back in my profile you can see that around July and August I was having a difficult time with unresolved feelings towards one of my first serious girlfriends. I’ve worked through that, but I think I still have abandonment issues, so when I feel like things are going wrong or not like they should; I do whatever I can to save myself from another stupid long time of hurt. Her and I are (god this hurts to type) friends right now, but that’s not what I want. I’m ashamed to say I ghosted her. She of course is ***. But she gave me the impression by not seeing me there she didn’t care. What else would I think? So I just left her alone. It’s all crazy. She said something needs to change and I agree. I’d love to go to couples therapy but the issue with that is we are friends and friends don’t do couples therapy, lol. She says she loves me still; only god knows what reason. I was the first guy to not abuse her and that’s why she sticks with me. She also feels safe with me. She knows I wouldn’t do things like post her *** if we broke up. I respect her too much, even though if it doesn’t seem like that to her. I love her with all my heart, and even though things are hard with us right now I believe it’s fixable. It’s not going to be easy; we are both going to want to get help and make a plan. Probably talking, then some kind of separate counseling, and couples counseling. If we got back together it would be a LDR, which we are both okay with. All I really want is to see her once a month; to talk on the phone or FaceTime or whatever, something like that. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. I think she just wants to see some change, as there isn’t that romantic kind of interaction. There are additional things that cause us hardships but this is already long enough, I’ll spare you the details. The best times of my life are the times I spend with her. The feelings are deep, real and long lasting. If you read all this, thank you.
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