The value of myself

Please-do not comment. This is for me only. I post here to share but not to get feedback. It’s just for me. Thank you.

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I haven’t posted on here in so long. I don’t know why, I guess maybe because I’ve been thinking hard about everything. I’ve explored my feelings, I’ve looked at things from all angles. I haven’t been happy. Communication with my soulmate has been the most irritating thing ever. I’m trying to have a conversation with him, I want to tell him over the phone and not on a text, what my plans are. His life is a mess. I am at the point where I almost don’t care, or that I care so much that I have to leave. It’s very difficult for me to even write this. He has put this off for so long. He says he’s busy dealing with a lot. But I believe you make time for the things that matter. And even though he loves me deeply and he is my soulmate, he’s messed up. He needs professional help for his addictions. His actions are stupid. He doesn’t follow his intuition and chooses to live a life he hates. I am done. I know I’ll never be over him. I know he’s my one. But I also need to be valued. His self esteem is so low. It’s ridiculous and I can’t do anything more to help. He has to want to change and not treat me like my time isn’t valuable. I can see through his actions that I’m not a priority which would be fine if he was actually getting help. He’s not.

I am deeply hurt, upset, frustrated and yes, lonely. But there are no more options. It isn’t fair. I need to have someone who can be there for me. I might be waiting for him forever. That thought makes me so sad. I don’t deserve this. I have to leave.

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Please-do not comment. This is for me only. I post here to share but not to get feedback. It’s just for me. Thank you.