Stuck in my head

I am lost in my head trapped with no ground to stand on. My wife of 5 years married 10 years together we are d/s/m This has been a long hell of a year. I work 55+ a week, she is unable to side to preexisting injuries that continue to plague her. In March this year, she chested online with someone and kept it going for 2 months. This was not the 1st time it has been a constant since Thanksgiving last year. I found out and we had our fracture but I stood by her and kept my word to be hers. In the summer she came forward with being poly and afraid to tell me.

I do not believe in it I have my beliefs of being loyal to the one I'm married to. It was expressed that it was not anything from a relationship she was seeking she wants permission of being with others. I was informed that she had this ability to explore while with her ex and that she wishes to have that again. Only now she wishes to have multiple and full permission at all times with no riled or restrictions and to be collard by another.

I am lost for words and thoughts not knowing what direction is up. After long months of discussion, I said I was not comfortable with it and wanted to keep it just us. Not even 3 days later I find that she is behind by the back on it and with a new guy who is married and living a poly life. I was informed she is jealous of the life they have she wants her freedom of being with others but not at hurting me.

I feel I have no say or power to have my beliefs she has been talking to this guy and they both have been pushing on me to say yes so they can have each other and not hide it. When I said I would give it under rules I was met with insults and frustration that she could not be bound by rules and needed that freedom. We did have plans on getting a house next year now with the pressure of this being forced to go against me what I have for beliefs. She wants us movie across the country to be with the guy and me and saying can be good friends with him. He has reached out to a few Tom's him and his wife both pushing on the wife's side to be open and let her explore again and move there.

I am lost in my head every day in a fight and hearing that she wants another guy and hates that I am being selfish by wanting to be just us. I want to give up on everything I want to throw the last 10 years away. I am conflicted with my mind and making my wife happy only continually putting myself down and hating myself. I do not have anyone to turn to or anyone I can count on. Never had a friend to can truly confide in and feel more alone and lost more than ever knowing my wife has others on her mind.