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kimballlemon
227 M Embraced 2
PathStep 25 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceMay 31, 2021
Recent forum posts
How do you talk on infidelity?
Relationship Stress / by kimballlemon
Last post
 January 25th, 2022
...See more I've been married over 5 years with my wife for 10 years in February. Over a year ago just before Thanksgiving. She stated getting intimate with a guy online that turns to 3. In March I had found out that she wad getting serious and intimate with guy number 4 to the point it turned her cold and quiet to me. I talked to her after finding out we discussed things and tried to plan things out. I was extremely hurt but open to work with her on things and help her since it was just digital with images and phone conversations. I wanted to be the bugger person have am understanding and compassion for my wife. I admitted my faults with focus more to work then us. Due to injuries she dose not work has not for over 2 years solo just on my income. We agreed to turn things off around the world and focus on us. She refused and still dose couple therapy I let that slide as long as we focused on us. We agreed to better dating and taking trips to make memories for us. During a travel over the late summer. She brought up and pushed for polygamous relationship stating she has always been in other relationships before but was too worried to admit it to me, but admitted she done it awhile with me. I am not personally comfortable with poly to me it comes off as just approved cheating. I was willing to adapt to let her have some freedom if that is what she craved. I was told that she needs that in her life that it's part of who she is. I was willing to let online be the option for her as long as any images sent I got as well and thay she would tell me. It turned into an argument saying I was forcing her to not be who she was she needed the physical as much as the digital. I have since refused and it has been a sore subject. I have Said no fully hut a day later it's pushes back a breakdown from her pushing and pleading for it. I always had hear that she was sorry for before and that would not let anything happen unless I gave her permission. Fast forwarding to the winter just over a year mark of things, she has had new flings she has pushed on but I have not given in even with the constant push from the other party that both were very interested in, yet was promised that nothing had happened yet. I found out she was behind my back on a site sharing pornogrpahic images and talk. I confronted and asked her if she was on the sites. I was mean with a no knowing the lie through her teeth. I let it go and left it to see If there would be any admitted to being on it and back at things. None has ever happened over the last 2 months. Now I have found out that a she has gotten physical with someone and talked to him. One thing I set even before setting the foot down on no physical that it would never be allowed in my bed that was my area for us only. I am not sure what my next step is or how to even approach knowing I know that things have gone back behind my back. I don't know how to feel other then hurt a pain in my gut and unsure if I love her yet or not. I am tired of the shit. I am willing to work on things I have put the effort in. I am at a loss just angry at myself. Questioning everything about myself and about us..how do I take the next step to talk and figure out I'd it's time to part ways. She has no family around and dose not work so this would be putting her out with nothing and try to figure hoe to be OK with doing that when I still would feel guilty for kicking her out.....
Stuck in my head
Relationship Stress / by kimballlemon
Last post
 November 30th, 2021
...See more I am lost in my head trapped with no ground to stand on. My wife of 5 years married 10 years together we are d/s/m This has been a long hell of a year. I work 55+ a week, she is unable to side to preexisting injuries that continue to plague her. In March this year, she chested online with someone and kept it going for 2 months. This was not the 1st time it has been a constant since Thanksgiving last year. I found out and we had our fracture but I stood by her and kept my word to be hers. In the summer she came forward with being poly and afraid to tell me. I do not believe in it I have my beliefs of being loyal to the one I'm married to. It was expressed that it was not anything from a relationship she was seeking she wants permission of being with others. I was informed that she had this ability to explore while with her ex and that she wishes to have that again. Only now she wishes to have multiple and full permission at all times with no riled or restrictions and to be collard by another. I am lost for words and thoughts not knowing what direction is up. After long months of discussion, I said I was not comfortable with it and wanted to keep it just us. Not even 3 days later I find that she is behind by the back on it and with a new guy who is married and living a poly life. I was informed she is jealous of the life they have she wants her freedom of being with others but not at hurting me. I feel I have no say or power to have my beliefs she has been talking to this guy and they both have been pushing on me to say yes so they can have each other and not hide it. When I said I would give it under rules I was met with insults and frustration that she could not be bound by rules and needed that freedom. We did have plans on getting a house next year now with the pressure of this being forced to go against me what I have for beliefs. She wants us movie across the country to be with the guy and me and saying can be good friends with him. He has reached out to a few Tom's him and his wife both pushing on the wife's side to be open and let her explore again and move there. I am lost in my head every day in a fight and hearing that she wants another guy and hates that I am being selfish by wanting to be just us. I want to give up on everything I want to throw the last 10 years away. I am conflicted with my mind and making my wife happy only continually putting myself down and hating myself. I do not have anyone to turn to or anyone I can count on. Never had a friend to can truly confide in and feel more alone and lost more than ever knowing my wife has others on her mind.
Wild mind
Anxiety Support / by kimballlemon
Last post
 July 6th, 2021
...See more Had a aggressive anxiety attack at work. That escalated too fast for me to slow down with. Stepping away and doing 3.3.3 thought to ground myself. It resulted it actions that made me hit the wall hard to stop. What do you do when they are so on set and what exercises can you recommend when in situations you can not get out of?
How do I forgive and move forward?
Relationship Stress / by kimballlemon
Last post
 July 16th, 2021
...See more Been married almost 5 years, been with my wife for over 8 years. 2 years into our marriage I cheated on my wife of sorts by flirting with a co worker and meetinger her once. Nothing physical or intimate ever conspired or took place. I was called out by my wife and we worked through the situation. We have delt with an serious ankle injury on my wife for over a year and half at this point. Where at time she could not work or move well. She had an opportunity to promote in her career at the same time as myself. We took my promotion due to financial reasons but it forced us to move states and her to quit. My new position requires tons of hours and very inconvenient times for shifts. Causing more frustration and strained relationship between us. She found work in her filed but due to the injury it forced her to quiet when surgery was required. I will admit we both let the relationship fall and did not out our efforts in as much as we needed. It got to the point where she cheated online with 2 different people before and after surgery. Including images and sexting. I looked through her phone to find out what was happening approaching her openly none aggressive we talked it out and open both admitted put fault in the relationship and wanted to better us. We both believe in one marriage. We have been putting our marriage first and rebuilding out relationship. However I had thought I had forgiven her for it..but I have found myself with paranoid thoughts and actions by going back through her phone and online profiles. I fully know there is nothing going on and she is not doing anything and yet I do snoop not knowing why. It has gotten to the point where our relationship is on a edge either it falls off the cliff or not. I have come to the thought that subconsciously I have not forgiven her for what happened and role she played in it. I have thought I have forgiven her but my thoughts and act have shown otherwise to the point of ending our marriage. How dose someone move past all this stronger together? I want nothing more then to have my wife at my side again. I want to move forward and be rid of my paranoid and worry actions. I want to forgive!
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