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Should I leave him?

ValentinaV93 March 20th, 2023
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Well, I have a boyfriend and he is wonderful, but there is one thing that really,really bothers me.
He has a "best friend" who is a girl and also his ex. Problem is he talks to her every day, confines in her, tells her our problems,my problems and lately he mentions her almost every time we talk. She is married tho,with a kid and pregnant again but as she said she just knows she will eventually divorce her husband. I don't know her,or do I want to know her. I'm thinking of leaving my bf because of this as he does not see the problem, because, I quote "they were together long time ago so it doesn't count anymore" 🙄
He says he is having hard time connecting to his male friends and it's easier for him to talk about sensitive and intimate things with a girls., especially his emotions.
He also told me few months ago that he would probably date her if she is divorced and he is single and I'm out of the picture and because they were together he is obviously attracted to her. When they were together he moved into her city and he told me few days ago that he never will forgive her that she didn't told him how far his new neighbor is from hers,because if they lived closer then they maybe never broke up. She dumped him and he still doesn't know why and I think it bothers him still.
I must say he is very lovely, gentle,caring but I feel like I'm in relationships with him and her.

Beside this,we don't have and problems.

He is genuinely very nice and good person but I don't think I can deal whit it.

1
CatzInTheCradle March 20th, 2023
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Your instincts are probably right. He’s still infatuated with her, and the red flag that gives it away is “If she wasn’t married and I wasn’t with you, I would be with her!” In other words, IF he could have the situation work out any way that he WANTED in his perfect fantasy of “happily ever after” - he would still be with her, and they would never have broken up. And when partners make these kinds of “if” statements, they are more focused on possibilities elsewhere outside of their relationship rather than focusing on their partners in the present.


Maybe he just thinks it is “nice” to have a girlfriend in the meantime; while he is waiting for that girl to divorce her husband and is probably hoping their circumstances align again so that he could have another opportunity to be with the girl he is actually obviously fixated on.


Thats very much what it sounds like to me.


CatsInTheCradle