Partner throws tantrums

@dapperPapaya4394

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I feel really sad and alone right now and occasionally feel like this. For the last few months, my partner (31M) and I (25F) have been getting into the same argument over and over again. He is really upset by my sexual past (Your sexual past doesn't count for him when you two do it, but when it's about people its where he has a problem. I can tell he has not accepted your past because of his insecurities, and this will damage the relationship safety and connection) and sometimes when we've had a fun night with some drinks he gets extra upset by this and we get into a bottomless fight. (This is a sign he might be having issues with alcohol as well, and then mistreats you by saying hurtful things. This is a red flag that shouldn't be ignored) He wants to know why I've done this to myself. (This is coming across to me as "Why have you done this to me?". You dont owe him any explanation about your past because it's none of his business.) I've slept with almost literally a dozen people and four of them were boyfriends/dating. (You are allowed to make this decisions because its your life without justifying yourself to someone.) When he has had some drinks he calls me a slut (This should be a deal-breaker right here, capable of the relationship ending. He is mistreating you and calling you degrading things. He is making you feel awful, and he is coming across as an immature person)and when he is overall such a loving, respectful man especially regarding women he then is the opposite. (Perhaps this is true, but you can't overlook how poorly he has been treating you. There might be good things in the relationship, but you can't ignore the fact that he is incapable of making a relationship work) He says very vulgar things about my genitals having been stretched because of this (which is completely untrue) (This should also be another deal-breaker. You trusted him with your past, and he is using what you told him to make fun of you and degrade you. This tells me he can't be trusted and this can be considered emotional abuse) and that the only way this will get out of his mind is if I tell him why I did this to myself. (You can give him 1000 reasons, but he will not accept it and will continue to put you down. A person that can't accept someone past will only complicate and ruin the relationship) Which I can't really explain even though I tried - having been very insecure, not having my parents or any other support when I was a young woman living by myself in a big city, trying to find love and affection, etc. (I understand why you did this, it was a time where you wanted to find love and perhaps validation. The thing is you have grown from it, and those experiences helped you grow. You don't owe him any explanation about your past.)

ive tried everything and our fights have been getting better overall. (The relationship won't improve because he is stuck and not willing to accept you have a past. There's need to be a point where you have enough because he is making you feel miserable and awful about yourself. This relationship is very toxic, and you are with a person who is in incapable of behaving like an adult) He used to get so upset he would shout at me for hours, hit himself, punch furniture or walls. (This is unacceptable...look at the insane behavior he used to display. This tells me he has a lot of trauma and incapable of handling his emotions in a productive way. This is a red flag, this will all done to also control you and make you do things his way) He never ever touched me nor will he ever. (He was manipulative, immature and it can also be considered emotional abuse.) I have done the same thing out of utmost frustration. (I believe this has to do when your family made you feel awful and shame about anger, this can cause anger to build and then it either implodes or explodes) I have tried bearing my should to him every single time and he will listen carefully and all of a sudden switch and get mad and spiteful again. (I understand you tried everything, but at some point it's important for you to ask yourself this; "Am I happy in this relationship?", "Is he making me feel safe?", "Is this a relationship worth investing when he puts me down due to my past?", "Is this relationship helping me grow?")

I don't know what to do. I'm going to bring it up with my therapist tomorrow. My partner is open to talking together but only because he thinks I don't respect him. (This is coming across to me as "You don't respect me when you are not doing what I want or see my point of view". He is also projecting and blaming here because in reality he is the one not respecting you) he's drunk he keeps saying that I don't love him. (He has felt unloved all of his life, and is now blaming you for this. I can tell you do love him, however his issues don't allow him to see this) I know he's deeply insecure but this is only driving us apart. (His insecurities are making this relationship miserable and toxic) The worst thing is that he doesn't remember our complete fights while I remember everything. It's really painful because I know he is the best and sweetest person in the world. (I understand he might have good qualities, but are you going to keep ignoring how you feel?. You are making it all about "His insecurities and how he feels", while ignoring how all of this is making you feel. Your feelings are a priority as well, it's important to put them first. You are allowing him to mistreat you, and thats not okay) He seems so tortured by his own mind. He has OCD tendencies and has been traumatised by his ex girlfriend. (He probably never healed from it, and now is making you feel responsible because he is bringing baggage from the past into this relationship as well.)