My wife is a narcissist.

So.... I recently read this article.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2018/11/the-number-1-way-to-become-less-vulnerable-to-narcissists-and-sociopaths/

It is by a doctor leading the field of Childhood Emotional Neglect, Dr. Jonice Webb. I do believe I have been molded in a negative way due to this phenonmon. Please note everyone seems to be effected, but it is the totally amount / critical times / critical situations that determine whether the lastin effect needs addressing.

So back to the article, I see many characteristics of a narcissist in my wife, but if I were to tell her that, well it would not be recieved well, and likely twisted against me. Note that she is "done with" our relationship yet seems to think nothing of staying in our home and letting me pair the lion's share of the expenses. I know, bad on me.

If I were to tell anyone she is narcissistic, I would be laughed out of the room. She is well loved, admired, the center of all attention....

So what is my beef, why don't I run from this person that is toxic to me? well call me old fashioned but I am in love, I am in a committed relationship, and I don't give up so easily. Note that our issues do not get worked on, which is a sticking point with me. I don't discard things at the first sign of problems or attempt to make repairs...

But the bigger reason is our kids, now they are not children, 19 & 17.... but my relationship with them is strained and so I take the existing conditions in hope that I can solidify those relationships prior to disengaging from my toxic wife.

A small concern but a concern is financial. My wife cannot save a nicke if you nailed and glued it to her forehead. She will spend every cent on short term frivilous joy sustaining items, like wine instead of a water bill, etc. When things that highlighted the issue emerged I found our finances a mess, so I isolated my income, paid down some debts, etc. Basically got luck and saved us from disaster. Without my income she feels a wee bit of discomfort but apparently thinks nothing of utilizing her over generous parents to supplement her needs. They are not wealthy and from appearances could use the money on themselves, but that is thier business. As much as I cringe knowing that if I leave her, they will foot the bill, it is the possibility that she will charm our children into support her life choices. Which I believe to be morally and ethically wrong.

So leaving her.... I need to, I know I should, but seems like it puts me further from the kids and unable to advise / help them.

I feel the need to mention she "thinks" she is in a relationship with her soulmate, but it only exists on her phone with many red flags, including fake name, fake pictures, end stage cancer, blah blah blah.. The kids know, but are too self absorbed or needy to confront her, not to mention charmed by her. She also invited her super needy friend to move in and enable her.

This is much longer than I planned, yet I left out so many details, but in ending, note that I am not a victim or a saint. I made many mistakes, I realize some things cannot be undone, but I do want to work forward. Trashing a 30+ year relationship is a difficult thing, especially when we tried nothing to fix it....

Have a great day.