My husband and I are separated but trying
My husband and I separated last week after four years of marriage and six years of being together in total. It’s been particularly hard still living in the same apartment but not being together anymore. I show a lot more emotion than him, so I’ve cried nearly everyday meanwhile he’s just more detached from me and having more connections with friends. We both know we have things to work on in order for the relationship to survive. And we are both willing to work on ourselves first and heal before we can become healthy for each other. Some days are harder than others and I feel completely lost, while other days I’m hopeful and determined. I know that you cannot put a timeline on these things, it’s just been really hard. Is there any advice on how to make the day to day easier?
You are not alone. My wife and I just separated a week ago too. I have a lot of the same feelings you do. The separation was her idea and something she required. I recently moved across the country so we do not currently live together. I feel just like you when you said some days are harder and you feel lost while others you are hopeful and determined. For me, I started seeing a counselor as did my wife. Not for our marital problems (completely) but for our problems as individuals. We’ve both discovered we have toxic traits about ourselves and need to get those sorted out before we can truly be happy (both with ourselves as individuals and each other in our marriage). I know it may sound cliche and hard. But try and think happy thoughts. Don’t let yourself get into your own head and bring you down farther. Stays optimistic. Seek counseling. I’m sorry if I went on a rant. Your situation just reminded me so much of my own. I wish you the best of luck.
Thank you so much for making me feel less alone. We cannot afford counseling right now although I know it would be very helpful for us individually and together. What you said about focus traits really helped too. I want us to have a relationship that is a safe space for our healing, not distracting us from our self love. Morning and nights have been particularly hard for me, usually during the day I can put on a show, or talk to a friend, or just be at work. But in the mornings and nights I feel so alone. Did you feel the same?
Waking up and falling asleep are the hardest times for me as well. Wow it’s crazy how similar our situations are. During the day when my mind is busy it usually takes my attention away from my struggles in my marriage and own head. However, when I go to lay down at night my mind wanders and the negativity pours in. I don’t want to pry and you definitely don’t have to answer this but it’s something to think of. Do you have a full-time job? Most full time jobs have what’s called an EAP program, or employee assistance program. This offers free counseling sessions with a therapist to help you cope with what’s going on. It’s completely confidential and your employer doesn’t know you’d be using it. If not or if your job doesn’t offer that, 7cups has been amazing to me to far. There are so many people here who want to give you support and encouragement.
@bottledup2014 I also enjoyed the company of a friend, although it was through the phone. Today was one of the easier days and my heart is grateful for that. I was thinking of you earlier and hoping you were doing well, so I’m glad to hear!!
I am also newly separated for 4 months now after a 4 year marriage... I found out my husband was cheating I. Me with other men on a gay app for sex. He had no interest in me as I was the "coverup" wife. I told my family and they want me to stay married and make it work with him. Although I just want a divorce and let him live his life as he pleases without an attachment to me because I need to do what's right for my life as well. I want to be happy n loved the right way in a commitment that's taken very seriously. I love my family and I respect their advise/opinion but I also know what's right for me and my life. I'm just torn on how to go about filing for divorce 😫 like I just wana do it for my sake of peace and deal with my families backlash after, but it also sucks that I dnt have their support in doing what's right for my life as well..😞
