My ex fiance and I are having sex

@missmonmonxo just so i'm clear, he is in a relationship right now with the rebound girl and seeing you at the same time?

@LonelyMoon42 yes that's correct. I dont want to get into another relationship with anyone else especially since I still adore my ex.

@missmonmonxo ok, we all keep feelings and are led by them so firstly don't be hard on yourself. Personally my concern would be, if it's just a rebound relationship, why is he still in it if you two are, for the most part getting things back to where they were?

Worst case scenario is you are comfortable for him. He knows you, and he finds it easy to be around you, and familiar.

I think if it were me, I would have to pin him down with questions about his true intentions for you, and her. Remember, he's cheating on her with you, and most people don't want to be the 'other woman'. And if he cares about you, he shouldn't put you in that situation either. it's just not a very nice thing to do in all honesty.

Ask him outright, don't be afraid to pull him up on his behaviour

@LonelyMoon42 I told him I wasnt interested in being the other women but that's how it does feel at the moment.

I think your right, I do need to really question his motives.

I keep thinking to myself do I want to be with a man who has confirmed he has the capability of cheating. Who can lie and manipulate the people he cares about without feeling bad.

I did something stupid by trying to tell her that we were seeing each other and she didnt believe me even with proof. I sent her messages between us and she called me all sorts of names.

I guess I just want to believe we can be happy together again one day.

@missmonmonxo you're absolutely right to question his motives and ask yourself if he's actually worthy of your feelings!

of course you want to believe you can be happy together, it's totally natural. but be strong, and above all listen to that inner voice. it knows exactly what to do. The only times i've ignored that voice are when i've made huge mistakes, and looking back, i knew it really, I just didn't want to listen.

Oh no, that sounds proper awkward with the other girl! i'm cringing for you

@LonelyMoon42 my inner voice says move on. Hes no good for me.

He makes me feel great and happy most of the time but then he also brings bad stuff into it too. He likes to take drugs and if I tell him no he doesnt listen. Then when I feel like crap after he says you didn't have to do it. I take 5 steps forward and 10 steps back. The more I talk the more he sounds like a real catch lol.

Oh dear!

@missmonmonxo

ohhh...haha....isn't it awful when they get you like that? tbh most people bring stuff which is less than desirable, it's just a case of weighing it up

so whats the plan then? are you going to have it out with him?

@LonelyMoon42

Yep I think I'm going to have to. Then if he tells me what I want to hear which he probably will I'll have to really think it through.

The thing I really want to know is how do I be strong enough to let him go and never speak to him again. I really think I'm better off without him.

Our kids go to the same school and I cant move schools. My daughter has been through enough after we broke up.

I think I'm just so lonely hes always there for me when i need to talk to someone as i dont have many friends here

@missmonmonxo

if I knew that i'd make a fortune.. :(

i'm not even in a proper relationship with someone and i'm feeling the same way. it's really hard.

I think most people feel lonely, I certainly do. it sucks!

just take it one step at a time, no point worrying about that until after you've spoken to him x

@missmonmonxo Sorry to say, he is using you whenever the other one is busy or away from him.

@michaeljunior yes this is something I thought too. This week we have seen each other every day from Thursday to Today and we only had sex once. When we arent together he calls me 10 times a day.

@missmonmonxo

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My ex fiance and I have been broken up for about a year officially but in the last few months we have been seeing each other. First it was just coffee dates and a drink after work at the pub and now we are having sex and everything is going great. (Who was the one that reached out first and initiating this meet ups?)

Today he told me he loves me and I still love him too but he got himself into a rebound relationship. (I would be very careful when he starts saying things like "I love you", "You are the one and only", "There's no one else like you" while he is on a relationship because they are actually empty words. He probably its not getting his needs met from his relationship and is seeking to get them met through you. If you two get in a relationship then he will find other women to get his needs met if you go through a hard time or back away) Hes been with her for about 6 months but he is constantly catching up with me, calling me (He is showing signs of being desperate and needy by doing this. He thinks by insisting it will make you change your mind, but in reality he is trying to force things) and wants to make all these plans like we used to. (This tells me he wants things to be like before now, it takes time for things to come back like before however he is on a controlling and fearful state to the point where he wants to skip this process. He is in a relationship, and its too weak to leave her in case it doesn't work out with other people)

I'm so confused. I've had relationship advisers say not to worry about the rebound relationship (I don't know which relationship advisers are those, but he has not leave her and trying to make plans with you) and just keep doing what I'm doing but I'm scared that he might not leave her to be with me. (He will not leave her if you are having sex and going out with him, this tells him he can have you anytime he wants while he is with another woman. You are not communicating high value when you put yourself in situation like there, and you are settling for less of what you want)

@freshLight64

So true.. everything you've said makes sense.

I just dont know how to end it. I dont want to be alone. I dont think anyone else will want to be with me either. I'm scared to meet new people.

@missmonmonxo Hello. Just curious if youve asked him about his thoughts on getting back together? That may help taper some of the what ifs youre thinking about. Also have you seriously entertained the alternative? Like not getting back together in a committed relationship? It can be a sticky situation with a lot of things to consider. Best of luck.

@missmonmonxo

This is certainly a confusing situation for you and it does seem that your ex-fiance is trying (successfully) to rekindle a relationship that was lost along the line. Putting it simply, you are now embarking on a full-on relationship with the guy. Does he now realise what he has missed out on?
He tells you he loves you and it does appear that you are more than happy to reciprocate your love for him. The 'rebound' relationship that he is having is supposed to help him 'get over you'. By having this relationship, his goal would have been to at least try 'moving on'. However, he is obviously not able to move on. He still seems to be very much in love with you because of all the 'catching up', 'calling' and the 'plan making'.
You are understandably confused. This is exacerbated by the fact that you are still in love with him and seem unable to 'move on' from him yourself.
The 'relationship advisors' have told you not to worry about his 'other relationship' and it would be inappropriate to question the advice of the professionals you have consulted. You are understandably scared that he may not leave her to be with you.
OK.....Fair enough.....Yes....You could continue developing your 'second chance' with this guy and he does seem more than willing to continue seeing you. He does seem to be regretting 'letting you go' and perhaps realises he has made a 'life' mistake. This could be a great opportunity for you both to rekindle this romance.
As for his 'other relationship' or 'rebound relationship', that would easily 'fizzle out' in time when his 'other girlfriend' realises it is YOU who are the ONE for him......
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OK.....This all appears to be a 'straight forward' 'love story'......Now let's go deeper into your relationship.......Let's look at the rest of your posts regarding this.......There are certainly many issues here that need to be addressed.......
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You say that you don't want to get into another relationship as you still adore your ex. This seems to indicate that you either broke up with him and now have regrets, or he ended the relationship with you.
You - understandably - don't want to be the 'other woman' in this 'relationship triangle' as you will need to accept a certain degree of being in 'second place'. Being the 'other partner' or 'bit on the side' can have advantages for some people such as less commitment and the excitement/secrecy of a 'clandestine' relationship.
Of course there are disadvantages. The main disadvantage of being the 'other partner' or 'secret lover' is that the 'main player' is very likely - for family/personal/financial reasons - going to 'choose first and foremost' their spouse/main partner above all else. The 'other lover' will get nothing and be 'pushed out' of the relationship triangle.
Should there be a 'massive fallout', it will be the 'other/secret/bit on the side' who will be have to suffer the nasty comments such as 'home wrecker' or worse!
There is very good reason to question the man's motives here. He is supposed to be in a 'stable' relatioship, yet he is in regular contact with you, giving promises of you being a 'happy couple'. Yes, he is certainly cheating on his new girlfriend with you.
How does he feel about this? How does he think his new girlfriend would feel? Does she have suspicions?
He says that he is having a 'rebound' relationship. This is a relationship in order to 'get over you'. However, his relationship with his new girlfriend would only be classed as a 'rebound' relationship if it was a 'substitute' for you.
For example. You break up with a man, completely finish with him, then he quickly finds another woman and 'dives straight in ' to a new relationship. Or vice-versa. This is in order to 'get over' the 'heartbreak' of the previous relationship. A relationship in which much emotional/physical/financial/commital energy was invested.
A relationship of such depth, when 'broken', will leave at least one half of the couple in such an emotional state that the only way to 'get over it' will be to quickly throw themselves into - what they hope - will be a 'new beginning'.
Your ex isn't really in a 'rebound' relationship. Of course he may tell you this, or you may be making the assumption of this. Your ex has embarked on a relationship with another woman - with the intention of continuing with you. He will very likely have felt comfortable in the knowledge that his new girlfriend would not be aware and therefore not challenge him on this. In effect.....He can 'get away with it'.......
Unfortunately, his new girlfriend may be a rather 'gullible' girl. Sadly, your ex will already have known this.
In order to be successful at doing this, he will have given her the impression that he will be committing himself to her. This is a 'relationship' he is having and not a 'one night stand'. Your posts also do indicate that he is not in a 'just casual sex agreement' either. His new girlfriend appears to be in the belief/understanding that she is in a relationship with your ex.
Your ex will not have told his new girlfriend that he is with her on the rebound either. She will likely lose interest in him if he tells her this. Of course, there is the possibility that he started with her on the rebound, but fell more deeply in love with her. She would probabliy live with that. However, he does appear to have not got over you. He seems to want the 'best of both worlds'.
You understandably don't want to be 'the other woman' and you really do need to question what is going on here regarding his motives. Is he a man confused in his loyalty and so desperately not wanting to hurt you both?
Of course. You seem to answer that question yourself!
You ask yourself if you want to be with a man who 'has confirmed he has the capability of cheating' and 'can lie and manipulate the people he cares about without feeling bad'? Well....Who knows.....Underneath - to a small degree - he perhaps does have some conscious conflict over what he is doing.....Maybe it is his way of protecting himself from facing any hurt. He does appear to be in control here.
There is also a certain element of his behaviour that you may find a little alluring. He can manipulate people, he can lie, he can cheat. Yet there is that element of fulfillment that - through these characteristics he has - he is still 'your man' and he will not leave you.
You say you 'did something stupid' by trying to tell her that you and your ex were 'seeing each other'. You even provided some form of proof of this by showing his new girlfriend messages between you and your ex. She called you all sorts of names. There is a very high chance that your ex will be aware of this incident.

He will also be proud of this 'combative' element between you both. For him, this is increased personal power over you both. He will 'stand tall and proud' as two women 'engage in conflict' over him!
Of course. There are chances throughout the new relationship with this other girl, that she would have had some suspicions. It would be quite difficult for him to keep seeing you, having sex with you and at the same time conceal all of this from her. There is the possibility she will have already been suspicious and will have challenged your ex on this issue.
Your ex will have continued to assure her that she is 'the one and only' whilst understanding her suspicions. There is the likelihood that she has very similar 'personality traits' as you. Even though they may not be obvious.
Deep down, you ex will already be aware that you will have shown the messages to his new girlfriend and after her outburst to you, she will have confronted him.
This has now added - for him - a new and exciting dimension to this 'three way triangle' of a relationship. This now allows him to stand on a 'platform', a 'stage', a 'podium'. Call it whatever you will.
In a way, your act of showing the new girlfriend messages from you will - of course - be relayed back to him. He now has the ability to control you both.
He has the capability of cheating, lying and manipulating the people he cares about without feeling bad. He has the ability to manipulate anyone once he has 'worked them out'. Translated. He is a very clever man who understands how to manipulate people in order to get what he wants and both you women are in a brilliant position for him.
He can have a relationship with you both because neither of you can 'let go' or 'cut loose' from him.
You say he likes to take drugs. Do you take the drugs as well? There is a very important issue here whether you partake in this activity or not. This issue will need to be your priority in all of this because you mention your daughter. Is he her father? Either way, he will have played a part in her life and this will give him serious 'leverage'.
You haven't clearly stated if you take the drugs as well. However.......
It is definitely a matter of personal opinion regarding the use of drugs by either yourself or your ex in the same house as your daughter who is presumably of school age. You say the kids all go to the same school.
The important question here is......What would happen if your ex decided to raise this issue with the 'authorities'? What would happen if someone else 'shopped' you both for bringing drugs into the house? What if you or your ex were caught by the police?
Should the above scenarios occur, will your ex simply admit to wrongdoing and quietly accept responsibility? Or! Is he going to use this as another excuse to manipulate you in order to get what he wants?
Does he have other children? Does the new girlfriend have children? The children are the unfortunate - and silent - casualties in this saga. Does he consider your daughter in all of this? Does he consider any other children involved?
His drug use could definitely get you into trouble with the law. He also does need to seek help in order to overcome this addiction that he is developing. This is an area of his life in which he will eventually lose control. He will lose the power over his own addiction.
Could this be a way to stand up to him by actually encouraging him to seek help? Only he can help himself and only he can 'have that power' to 'manipulate' his own negative situation.
He has been taking advantage of both you and the new girlfriends weaknesses. Especially your addiction to him. Yet he will need help to overcome his own weakness. The drugs.
By all means. You can be able to support him due to you being his ex-fiance. It is certainly not at all going to be easy for you as you have had a full-term relationship with each other. This is especially important if he is your daughter's father.....Or if he was 'very involved' in her 'life upbringing' - such as a 'father figure' in her life.
As for you....It is time - for starters - to make sure that no more drugs are brought into your house. If you feel that you are having issues with drugs then you will need to seek advice as well. Your daughter is a priority here.
She already has become sensitive to the issues in your relationship with him. She is definitely now your first priority.
You could agree to see your ex on the basis that it is in order to help him with his drug issues. No intimate contact in the relationship and definitely no sex. He now has his new partner.
If the new girlfriend is involved in drug use, then that will - of course - make helping him even more challenging. However, this will be up to him to sort out.
Your local health centre/clinic will be able to help. You could research other forms of help such as 'group therapy' or rehabilition centres.
For you...It is understandable that you don't want to be alone and you do say that you are lonely. He has always been there for you but unfortunately that is due to him taking advantage of one of your 'weak points'.
By 'making a stand' for yourself and your daughter, this will encourage you both to live a life that is not dependent on your ex as a 'lover' or sexual partner. Yes. He may now be the one needing you to help him. This is something that you will need to take active charge and insist upon in order to help him. You can now be in charge here.
When your house 'is in order', you may want to explore opportunities for yourself. There can be night-classes, social groups and a 'new freedom' to get 'out and about' more. You and your daughter could develop a stronger relationship without having to expend 'emotional energy' on your former partner.
You do feel lonely at this point in time because you have been very emotionally dependent on the guy. Perhaps - deep down - he was emotionally dependent on you.
By facing the world alone you will become more independent as an individual and this - in turn - should ease the burden of your loneliness.
As you embark on a new journey without your ex as a 'permanent partner', you will find yourself becoming more confident when meeting new people who - in turn - will become (hopefully) more sincere friends than your ex.