Mixed Signals

Im sorry for this being so long and maybe even a bit immature but I really needed to let all of it out as I have been struggling a lot with my mental sanity for the past few days. So I request everyone to please bear with this one and give it a read.

I have been talking to this guy since a year now..it was the four of us actually in the beginning, playing video games all night.

They were what got me through the lockdown. However, it was this one guy I was closer with than the rest, talking on the phone late night, hanging out. He was even the one I used to fight with the most. Petty arguments and then making up-to each other. And then it happened.. I got attached to him.

Even though the other two got busy with their lives once the lockdown was over, he was always there. I felt like we had a connection. He told me he cared about me.

But a huge red flag about him is that he is very egoistic and that too about petty things like seen zoning and calling two days in a row. Even though he wanted to talk on the phone, he would say things like we shouldn’t talk so much, I don’t want to get attached bla bla. But then if I told him bye, he would be like oh so you’ll sleep? And if it was me making the first move, he would ask 1000 why’s. I even caught him in a conversation where his friend was teasing him about me having a crush on him..so I was always careful. And he even trashed a previous girl that asked him out, said he cut off contact with her after that, so I was always scared of making too many first moves.

He is so confusing, he takes a step forward and again takes two steps back.

Anyway, after the lockdown he moved to another city for university, the same city I had to move to 2 months back for an internship. When I told him, he was urging me to live in his neighbourhood and told me he himself will find me a place to stay. He made plans to hangout. After I moved there, we were playing video games one night and he invited this new girl whom I don’t know. He told me it’s his school friend and ever since I see him obsessed with her. I felt so ignored and left out because even though he would ask if I wanted to play, after I told him one day to call me once he logs in the game, he forgot. I log in and see that he is playing with that other girl. He just completely forgot about me..

So I yelled at him and started playing with another guy. He tried calling and texting and I told him I don’t want to play with him. Then when he saw me playing with the other guy, he was like “you told me you won’t play but I see you playing with him, great”. I told him that you did the same.

Anyway I have been ignoring him after that and he didn’t try much either after that, although I got to know from his friend that he asked him to invite me to the game.

After a couple of days he texts me to ask about a conference at his university that I’m supposed to go to. I told him the date and then since it was the weekend the next day, I asked him if he wanted to hangout in my neighbourhood. But he was instead asking me to go to his area even though I was new in the city and didn’t know my way around. I got mad at him and started ignoring again. He didn’t push much about hanging out but had been texting everyday after that about the conference.

On the day of the conference, he texted at 8 am asking when I would be there. I yelled at him about his on and off shit and he told me he was sick so he couldn’t meet me during the weekend. So why couldn’t he just tell me that?

I still decided to meet him at the conference and he was with me the entire time for 3 days, and we even hung out from morning till midnight. Those were some of the best days of my life.

But after that the on again off again shit started all over again. Not acknowledging each other in the game. When I confronted him, he told me “why won’t I show ego after the things you did?”

i deactivated my account after that and he texted me on WhatsApp asking if I blocked him. I even unfriended him in the game.

Things have been going on like this…he texts every other day and replies to my story asking if I’m in his city or if I moved back home? He repeatedly asks why I unfriended him in the game even though he knows the freaking reason. Yesterday we had another confrontation where I accused him of not even fixing things after I was mad at him, and he told me that he apologised and that if he didn’t want to fix things, he wouldn’t have apologised. But that isn’t enough? What I want him is to stop playing with that girl. I always taunt him how he ditched me when he found that new girl but he never even acknowledges her, pretends he doesn’t know what I’m talking about…he even told me that I’m his closest friend and he doesn’t wanna lose me..but then he doesn’t even try to fix us. Before he would repeatedly apologise to me unless I talk to him. He doesn’t do that anymore. He just ends the argument with “okay my mistake I don’t wanna argue anymore”

Im just so so sick of this…all our other friends in the game even takes his side and they all accepted the new girl. I just feel so left out. I mean how do you after playing with someone for an entire year just instantly start playing with a new girl? I tried to let him go..but can’t bring myself to unfriend him for good. I don’t know what to do…this is costing me my mental peace.