Lonely
I have not had one day in the last month that I did not have an 'a-ha' moment and start crying. I'll have a handful of bouts throughout the day. Its incredibly painful. I dont know what finally clicked?! Its been all these years of me being strong and trying to make things work for our daughter. And!! I am grateful for most of those years. He is usually at work and I take care of things at home. So, the majority of time things are great. I was super mom without a doubt! That was one of the reasons I stayed so long; I knew the arrangement I had was good. Who gets be with there baby all day bake, skate, dance, draw, plan tea parties?! That in itself was perfect. What was not was perfect was the slient background of his emotional abuse and deep lonliness I felt in my marriage. I think now that my daughter is a little older (soon 13) and we spend less time together.. I'm really starting to feel that loniness. I guess in a way putting my energy into being super mom was fullfilling enough that his behavior didnt bother me as much. Or maybe im seeing how fast shes growing up and realizing Im going to be emotionally shut out by my husband when i need him as a new empty nester? Idk.
@lostcurves31
It sounds like you've been an amazing mom and that's been a source of a lot of meaning and happiness for all of these years. 
That's felt worthwhile and through that you were able to come up with an arrangement that helped to carry you through all of the things happening in the background with your marriage. But as your daughter has grown up and your role as a parent is shifting, the problems with your marriage have felt like they've become more noticeable or it's been harder to relegate them to the background. It makes a lot of sense that you'd possibly be starting to feel lonely as a result of that. 