Just another LONG breakup story

Disclaimer: I have been stupid, and I was blinded by love that's why i kind of did what's below. Maybe i jist needed someone to listen to me So there is this guy I met through a common friend at an outing 3 years ago. However we live far from each other and the guy just visited our common friend. Then we started chatting each other and quickly got along with each other because of our common interests. After a few months he courted me and I said yes. I know things happened too quick, and that time, i was still healing from a breakup. I understand that maybe i was just craving to be loved that's why I entered the relationship. But he was a good guy and didn't want to hurt him further so we broke up a few months later. However, we still remained as friends after the break up. I also asked him to wait for me to heal because I really love him and I don't want to hurt him. But my thing that I was most scared of doing, has already been done. I just didn't want to cause him more pains in the long run because I just got off from a toxic relationship and I was already convinced that maybe no one will ever love someone like me. So I got scared. I was also doubting myself because I might not be sure of my feelings for him. That's the consequences of taking things too far. Then we bacame bestfriends for another year. We were like a couple with no label despite being a ldr. We communicated regularly, told each other our stories, our fears, and weaknesses. He knew almost everything about my life. Things even my family and other friends didn't know. He was the only one who genuinely knows me. I don't really open up to my parents because i'm not that close to my parents. Then I noticed him chatting me less. I asked him what's wrong and he said he's tired of being just a bestfriend, he's hurting too much. And we fought, so I finally confessed that I still love him and BEGGED him to stay and let me prove that I love him. He gave me a chance and that was like the best day of my life. He courted me again and we became a couple again. That's the time that i gave him all my love. I loved him genuinely. We got to know more about each other in a deeper sense, like how he has anxieties. However, after some time, he grew cold and I felt that the love i've been giving him is not being reciprocated. So i told him that and we fight sometimes because of that issue. We would've broken up a few times already if I didn't beg. I just can't afford to lose him. And a few days ago, he finally did it. He broke up with me saying that he's not ready in maintaining a relationship. He told me that we should've remained as bestfriends. And that I should stop hoping that we'll have a come back. He said that we've already tried several times but things just end up being a mess each time. But on my side, i gave him all the love i can give him and loved him more than myself. I was just asking for at least an hour each day from him but he couldn't do it. There was even a time that I waited for him and he said "you should've slept, i didn't ask you to wait". It's just hurts so much because he is the only one who knows genuinely knows me as a person and i lost him. We still communicate until now but less often because we're "bestfriends" only. It hurts because after all the love I gave him, all the efforts, I felt like i don't get the same thing from him. Yes he's sweet sometimes but most of the time, it's just him, not us. I understand that his mental health is also important, but I'm just sad because all the love and effort i've given has been wasted. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. I'm thinking that maybe something's wrong with me. That maybe i'm the toxic one. Btw he also knows all the stuff about me, even my health condition. And likewise, he told me that it was in me that he found comfort he couldn't find even with his parents. And i feel the same way too. Things have just been so rough and I want to move on. I've been blaming myself for what happened to us and I want to say sorry to him. I don't want to lose him at the same time I want to move on and be happy. There are just too much memories that flashbacks in my mind that makes me sadder. That's all…