Is he right to treat me this way?

@jessie06 hey jessie. welcome to the relationship and friendship support space.

from what you wrote, it seems like you are not sure whether to continue the relationship or not because your boyfriend is making you feel guilty for things you can not have any control about and calls you horrible names. I understand that would be difficult to deal with, as you mentioned that you have been together for over three years and you do seem to try to keep things working (and getting called bad names is really hurtful from people we love). Now, nor I, neither anyone on this website will be able (or should not be able to) exactly tell you what to do, as you are the expert on this situation. But, however, i do want to remind you that calling bad names is not a healthy sign of a relationship and that you do deserve to be treated with respect and love always. have you talked with your boyfriend about how he makes you feel with these actions and words? Is he aware of the fact that it is hurting you?

You said: " I don

@jessie06

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We were great, but when I moved back home for grad school in December 2017 things got bad. I thought it was because of the distance. Then he moved in with my family and I for grad school last year. Things were going great until I got a full-time job. Now everything is my fault because of my job. He is constantly comparing himself to me. (I can understand if they are things he needs to share, but the way he comparing himself to you its a sign he has low self esteem and has this need to measure up to you on order to feel better about himself) If I get busy at work its my fault. (Hmmm. its like he is having unreasonable expectations of things that are out of your control) If Im late home because of traffic its my fault because I chose a job 30 minutes away. (He is becoming toxic and negative at this point. I wouldn't blame you if you felt trapped and sad in a way when he is throwing so much guilt at you. The real reason this bothers him is because of a trigger of his past, not the fact you didn't arrive in time. He gets very anxious and has a hard time soothing himself, so he then begins to think its your fault, when in reality it has nothing to do with what you did) Not to mention I have been called horrible names that I wont even say here. (This sounds like it was very hurtful to hear those name, he is beaving emotionally abusive and seeking to manipulate you into doing what he wants you to do. This behavior he is showing shouldn't be tolerated, and is a very negative behavior) And now he is putting so much pressure on himself to get a full-time job while in school because he has to because I have a job and now he needs one too. (This is all about competition, not feeling good enough, feeling less than you and this need to blame others for his shortcomings.) Is he right to treat me this way? (No, I think he is being abusive, manipulative and putting you down at times. I feel he has tons of insecurities, and i dont see him changing unless he seeks professional help) I dont know how much more of this I can take, but I dont want to throw away 3 years...(This is an excuse you are looking to justify staying with him. You don't deserve the way he treats you)