Im not made for a relationship

I started texting a girl more than 1 year ago. We were only texting even tho she was in my paralel class and our school. I after a vew months of only texting i ask her out bcs i was drunk, but she already had a online relationship then and we just stayed friends. It really broke my heart back then but i was over it quite was so it was fine. We kept on texting everyday and one day she ask me if i still like her and i said yes bcs i was hoping she ask me that bcs she likes me too. And yes she said she liked me too. We met sometimes in private bcs she is to shy to talk in school but i messed things up. When i talked with her i loose all of my social skills and personality and she lost interrest after a vew calls and one more meeting. Then i decided to cut ties till school starts bcs i wanted to stop seehin her as gf potential so i can be normal friends with her again bcs were probably go intoo the same class and our classes are v small. She was okay with it but it seemed more like she was waiting for that moment and even kind of relived im finally gone. After that day i've been feeling down more depressed than usual and i think i catched an sleeping dissorder too. I gues im really just not made for a relation ship bcs im pretty low on eq. I always think rationally and put my emotions aside bcs i dont know when how and whot i should do in wich moments. Idkn whot to rn tbh. I dont want to anoy her any further but i also dont want to lose here bcs its funn texting her and playing games with her.