I finally have the strength to speak on this!

Theres was a moment where one of the females my boyfriend was simping for looked exactly like me but she was a year younger than me and had a curvaceous body unlike me at the time. She was slim with a flat stomach, short with a big butt, and was famous on her social accounts. Seeing my boyfriend commenting under her posts hurt. It hurt me so much that I would over eat and work out to gain weight. I wanted the wide hips and big butt badly. Maybe It was because I wanted it so he could be attracted to me like he was to her. I would stay up and stalk her accounts. I made sure my boyfriend wasnt commenting anymore, even though I never addressed the situation to him at that time. I would look at her pictures and watch her videos over and over every day and compare myself to her. I eventually started to hate her. Someone who didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't her fault he was simping for her. She simply ignored him and didn't pay him no mind. As i stayed up late cried and stalked her accounts. I would workout and cry some more. Working out became therapeutic to me. I got so wrapped up in my thoughts that I would max out with working out and be able to do higher reps and sets and wouldn't even notice it till I was done. After working out and overeating my curves formed. I had the wide hips and gained the plus of having huge boobs unlike her. I felt as if I had a one up on her. But my butt still wasn't big enough so I continued to push to achieve that. I’ve yet to achieve it this day. Eventually everything took a toll on my mental health, I was hospitalized. Everything was stress related. I lost the privilege to work out. This was hard for me as it was my therapy. I gained weight and soon gained love handles. I was confident in myself till it was my own family who would body shame and fat shame me. I was in love with my cellulite and stretch marks. I was in love with myself. I eventually told my boyfriend that I was unhappy with him being in other girls comments and how it made me feel. I told Him is was EMBARRRASSSING, disrespectful and inconsiderate. He agreed, he told me he knew he was doing something wrong but still continued to do it. He removed her and other ladies from all his social media accounts. I have no clue if he messaged them or if messaging was even involved as I never had access to his accounts as thats something i feel is private and he never offered it to me. I have trust issues of my own but I battle those alone and never take it out on him or put it on him. Since then I think he stopped commenting on other females posts, but I wouldn't know as I don’t have social media. I never forgave him for this but I did indeed put it behind me and haven’t brought it up again or thrown it in his face nor held it against him. Back to what I was saying, When I was finally happy with who I saw in the mirror and forgave the girl and stopped hating her. My own family downed me. They had no idea what I was going through, but it took a toll on me. Here I am now healthier and ready to get back to working out. I struggle getting a good routine down and getting back consistent. Besides that I'm healthy and I'm doing better , I no longer compare myself and I want change for myself not for ones attention or competition. Im happy to say I did it, and by myself at that!