I feel like I’ve lost my friends
So i’ve gotten to the stage where everyone is moving to Uni/College but quite a few people in my direct friend group are staying at home. I talk to them quite a lot and I mention that before some people leave, we should go out altogether. However I’ve come to notice that they speak to me less and on several occasions (i’m in a group of 5) 2 people will meet and the other 2 will meet which leaves me out completely.
I recently got into a relationship but I’ve 110% made sure this doesn’t affect my friendships but because i’m seeing that my ‘friends’ don’t wanna hang out with me as often as we used to, i’m filling up more of the time speaking and being with my bf. I’m not sure if this is making it worse because it may seem like i’ve replaced that time for my bf but really it’s just because no one else has made any time for me and i’m accepting it and using it for something else.
I have friends that i’m not directly close with that aren’t going to uni and we’ve talked about going out more often with each other but I hate seeing that the friends i thought were closest to me, barely wanna see me (I haven’t seen a single one of them in 2+ weeks but we live close).
I haven’t gotten into any arguments and can’t find a real explanation as to why I’ve been pushed out of the group but if anyone has any advice, that would be appreciated.
@straightforwardBeechwood6877
The first explanation could be that, if your friends have gone off to uni and you haven't, their entire lives are school right now as classes start up and they need to surround themselves with other students to foster responsibility and whatnot. If this is the case, they should start being more present for you as they settle into their routines and find time for you.
The second explanation, which if this is the case, it'll be apparent by them not making time for you even when they get used to their new schedules, is that your friends don't have enough respect for you to say outright "I don't want to put effort into our relationship anymore." They'll just stop replying, stop showing up, and eventually fade away into memories. It's awful, and it hurts, but if that's what they end up being, they were damn lucky to have you while they did and now you get to find better people.
Losing friends is lonely, and it hurts, and it sucks. A lot. But ultimately, if they don't treat you with the same effort and respect that you treat them, you're better off meeting all new people who will see and love you for who you are. No matter what, you deserve everything that you give to the people you care about, and things will eventually be clear.
This has happened with many people IMO
Those leaving for college or a new direction are unsure if or how you fit into their lives at the moment......IMO sometimes with big changes people get a bit self centered not saying that will stay most likely temporary .......hard to find time to make time for friends that are not sharing the same excitement / nerves about the big changes coming.....
Since you are staying put i would reach out and make time for those semi- friends who are also staying in same area..... this will play out several times in your life ...... friends who live near move ..... friends at work etc change jobs or careers ...... learning to navigate and make new connections helps a lot IMO.