I done what i shouldnt have
To start off i would like to know no matter what i say here i know i am in the wrong and there is nothing to excuse me of what i have done. Me and my girlfriend of 1yr plus of dating have broken up… and all this have to bring back to a few months back. Initially we were both open to exploring with threesome with the mindset of you one and i one. And the opportunity came when her friend was cheating on her spouse. And the three of us met up to drink. And through a few drinks i asked my girlfriend to kiss her friend and that if i could do the same and she said its okay for me to do so. But after that day she told me that she was affected by what happened but she hid her feelings to a point where i didnt know she was deeply affected by it or i was silly to not realize. Few months later my gf scheduled another session with her friend to drink because the friend need to talk to her about her own issue. And before the drinking start she warned me that she would break up with me if i kissed her friend and i said okay. Throughout the night i was drinking by myself while she and her friend talk … and i know i wasnt attracted to the friend . But in the midst of the drink my gf came and asked me if i want to kiss her friend which i said no to and she told me i can if i want . But i refused. Then towards the end of the day, my gf suggested that we drop off the friend first and suggested that bring her friend to her house upstairs and i got a little confused and so i went to ask my gf if she is letting me kiss her friend which she said it is okay to and asked how long we would kiss for . But i should have known that isnt a good idea to do it. But my impulse to test the relationship because of my insecurities got the better of me and me and the friend made out … and because of that my gf decided to break up with me. I have applogized for what happened and came clean that i have some underlying issue to self sabotage our relationship and have enrolled counseling to solve my root issue. She told me that she will be open for me to chase her back if i did it and manage to win her back. We have said alot of goodbyes and that we both will miss each other alot and that this isnt the end of our story … however i found out that she made out with another guy right after we said our goodbyes … and i know that isnt my problem as we have broken up but it doesnt feel good… and because of this issue we talked again about it… I really want her back however i do not know how … we have decided to give each other space and not to talk to each other in the meanwhile and that i would wait for her to text me when she is ready to talk Any advice and thoughts about what is going on . Do you think she will be able to or there is a chance for her to forgive me and give me another chance. Within our relationship i am always there for her , protect her, took good care of her but i betrayed her trust and caused alot of pain for her. The day when we leave i kissed her and she broke down very badly saying that everytime we kiss it will bring sadness in her and when i asked her if she wants me to be gone from her world so i wont bring pain to her she said she just need some time …
@alfredooo
I am not sure if it was the Drinking ........or your GF and her friend playing games with you....
Both times your GF said it was ok and now she is upset about it........testing you to say no thanks... is my guess..
I have seen this happen with some friends toying with the threesome idea.... some find the thought as spicing up things....... but in reality some partners get jealous or bothered by their partner kissing or touching another.
i would not want to be with a person who played trust games then make You feel like you betrayed them...... sounds like she has some maturity issue.
But i really love her and willing to do the work to make this relationship work …
@alfredooo
It is hard to make her see the situation as you explained it here .... i as a stranger take your vision as what happened ........ but i would SERIOUSLY ask why she was toying with your trust? She agreed to the kisses and then got mad you did it..... maybe there is a reason she is insecure when you just did what she promoted.
@alfredooo
Well , i do realise that you love her but you need to respect yourself first . And her respect will follow. Its on her that she got hurt by something that she did had consent on . If she does not want something to happen . She should be brave enough to let you know. If someone gives consent , the person needs to deal with its consequences.
@Skansly well i see where u are coming from also, but then there is a saying that just because there is consent doesn't mean that I should do it and I understand it... do you have any idea as to what I can do with my situation?
@alfredooo
Well now if she have decided that she wants some space , then let her have. Dont you think you are giving her just too much attention ? Dont you think you should ghost her for a month ? And then she will come back . And put your attention elsewhere?
@alfredooo not sure what you should do, but there was a big red flag here: "her friend was cheating on her spouse."
If you and your girlfriend helped her cheat knowingly, are you sure you can trust each other? I think trust is important in a serious, long term relationship, and it's not clear to me either of you guys have built that yet.
And let's say this girl doesn't love you back. There's only so much you can do to force someone to love you back. Does that make sense?
I understand what u mean by that but deep down i feel like she still love me alot just that she is forcing herself not to feel or show it infront of me … looking at the way i kiss her and she just break down i feel like that is kinda a showing dont you think. She is the kind that hides how she truly feels and psycho herself… i am a v low self esteem guy so tbh i doubt her feelings for me but i do want to believe it is true. And tbh i dont know what i can do at my situation hence the poll to see. I know there is a saying that once a cheater always a cheater and that the betrayed shld just leave but i am sure that i can work on my inner demons with a good counselor and give her a better future
@alfredooo Really happy that you want to work on creating a better future. But whether she's a part of it - that's ultimately up to her. You can't force someone to love you or express their love for you. If they're not ready or are incapable of giving you love you need, they're not the right fit for you at that time. But people do change (if someone has cheated in the past, they're more likely to do it - specifically 3x more likely - https://www.du.edu/news/once-cheater-always-cheater-du-study-examines-serial-infidelity) but it's not inevitable.