How do we Establish and Enforce boundaries?

The 2 E's.

Establish and Enforce.

A shocking number of us were never taught how to establish boundaries. We are unhappy with how people treat us, and dont know what to do.

We often get the advice "you need to stand up for yourself" or "you don't have any boundaries". Maybe we lash out in defense.

So let's say we try to improve: throw up a few arbitrary boundaries, hoping we're doing it right. Then, let's say someone crosses a boundary... how do we enforce that boundary in a healthy way?

I believe our initial reaction may be to not say anything, or to try and enforce the boundary by being unintentionally hurtful or manipulative (this is what we did learn).

This doesn't help.. but who can blame us? We never have seen healthy boundaries before. It's like asking someone to draw an object they have never seen before.

So please share thoughts, how do we do it? If you have never had a problem with this and it seems like an obvious thing to do, great! You learned how. Please share!

To those struggling with this, be compassionate with yourself. It's not your fault you were never taught this skill, it is a Skill. You are very strong and capable for having the desire to move forward and improve. Much love to all.

-Mel