Here goes nothing.
So, I'm the clingy type. I'm the type that will dote after who I am in love with, and get anxious when I get no response. I start with that from the get go, so people know what they're getting in to and have the option to back out before I fall in love with them (or usually more in love). Me and my current girlfriend have been going out for 9 months as of today, and have known each other for 2+ years. As of this moment, she is completely ignoring me. And I mean, I've seen her being active on social media and on her whatsapp and such (we are long distance, shes in brazil and I'm uk based) but still I've heard nothing from her since we had a somewhat argument yesterday. I'll admit, I was the one that initiated it.
It started off with an argument between me and my dad. My dad is the main agitator. This is also nothing new. He knows exactly what buttons to press to set me off in another depressive episode or set off a panic attack, or make me so angry I punch a brick wall, but that's beside the point. One of my coping mechanisms is dark humour. That's the way I deal with things, because if I take it too seriously I can't handle the stress of my own declining mental health. Sure, saying I wasnt wearing a seatbelt in hopes that I die isn't the best thing to say to your girlfriend, but I was upset and frustrated and it was what I felt. She didn't find this funny, and I can't blame her.
I apologised almost immediately for this, sent a 'love you' only to get ignored. cont.
I'm sorry you are going through this. That must make you feel so anxious and desperate to hear back from her to make sure everything is okay between you two. I can relate to what you have shared. I've been clingy in relationships in and have said disturbing things that pushed people away...sometimes permentantly. I agree with @calmMango9611 to give her time. This all happened in the last 24 hours and it was pretty intense. She's probably furious and maybe even scared. The more you try to get her to talk to you, the further you will push her away. It also sounds like you need to get help with managing your frustration. This is only going to improve if that's something you truly want. You mentioned that you punched a brick wall and said it's beside the point, but I hate to break it to you really need to manage that.
Also it's important for her to feel safe with you and like she's not feeling pressured. Right now she most like doesn't feel this way.
@hypnosis the only thing is is that shes been a lot more distance over the past week or so because she's been going through her own stuff which I GET, I understand it and try to support her as much as I can, but when it comes to needing support from her she seems to shut me down and out completely.
The punching the wall thing is much more of a sensory thing for me, like I need a way to get frustration out that isnt as harmful as other things that I could turn to.
@rowanspeaks