Help! Try again or let him go?
I was in a relationship with someone that I still love very much for almost two years. At the beginning, he wasn't ready for a commitment to dating so we broke things off. Not even a month later, he realized he loved me and wanted to make it work. We were together for around six months and he just seemed immature so we almost broke up again, instead he changed and became the man I needed. The next year we moved in together. About two months ago, I finally had enough of him being there for me physically, mentally, and emotionally but never financially or sharing the responsibilities of living together. That was July. Since then, I began talking to my sons father about reconnecting. When he my ex heard that, he joined dating sites and went on one date with a woman. The second date kept getting postponed and rescheduled. Two weeks ago, he and I had a long talk about how we both have feelings for each other and wish it could work out. I've seen him mature in these months apart and I told him I'd like to try again. He was extremely happy at the thought of getting back together, as was I. The problem is, he had a second date with the woman scheduled for yesterday. He broke down crying to me Friday evening saying that he loves me so much and wants our relationship to work and wants a future with me. BUT, he also wonders if he should pursue this new woman and start something new with someone else that isn't me. He is scared of not being able to make it work again.
@mommaof2boyz
Maybe look at the big picture
if you want to...
you can look at these 15 questions
and see if there are ways your relationship
is missing key things...
15 QUESTIONS THAT CAN PREDICT WHETHER A RELATIONSHIP WOULD LAST, ACCORDING TO PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR BELOW
Answering 'no' to any of the questions isn't a good sign for your relationship...
...per the study in this article https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/relationships-love-last-forever-questions-test-psychology-fifteen-questions-gary-lewandowski-a8243096.html
According to Prof. Lewandowski, responding 'yes,' honestly, to these questions, which rely on both science-backed data and intuition, means your relationship is worth staying in.
The questions are:
Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?
Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
Do you and your partner think more in terms of 'we' and 'us,' rather than 'you' and 'I'?
Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?
Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an over-inflated positive view?
Do your close friends, as well as your partner's, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?
Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behavior?
Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?
Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?
Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
If you answer 'no,' the bad news is your relationship likely won't stand the test of time because 'just because you can find good doesn't mean it is a good relationship,' according to Lewandowski.
Please forgive any typos above.
@7motivation
Thabk you for the help! Unfortunately before I could think it through, he's decided that he wants to give it a try with the other woman. After he begged me so much to take him back.
I now know that I'm much better off and I don't deserve to be treated like an option I wish him well and now need to focus on how to make my life better on my own. I don't even know where to start 🤦🏻♀️
@mommaof2boyz
You're welcome. If you need other different ideas, you can always post more questions in new threads.
Google is also a good place to search for ideas. I use it all the time to solve my own situations. It helps get me in a good mindset when I think how to fix my situations and I start looking for answers.
Hope that approach works for you too.
Sounds like you have had a rough time with this relationship. You have given many chances, but you keep being let down in new ways. That's got to be frustrating. I am not sure how old your son is, but I tried to keep in mind that they are learning everything from mom-especially how to treat a woman in a relationship. Make sure you are being treated the way you would want your son to treat women. It actually helped me a lot, as I also tended to treat the man how I expected someone to treat my son. You know what you want & deserve. Just know that you are all the closer now to finding the right one!