Confused

I am going through a breakup that I believe is due to covid. We had an excellent relationship prior to covid. We decided to stay together instead of spending who knows how long apart. Staying together did not go well. I immediately started to shut down and became very depressed not leaving her place. The only thing I really was doing was taking my dog for walks.

Because of shutting down I stopped doing anything, other then working from her recliner. She was still working and I don't think she realized the toll that it all was taking on me.

When she asked me to leave and then broke up with me, she said I wasn't reliable and couldn't be with me because of that. That hurt deeply as I am reliable and I know that becoming depressed really changed who I normally am. I struggled deeply to communicate with her and that is alot of this.

She has since stopped contact with me and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I'm very confused over this as its not something I would do and find it extremely confusing.

I've since started seeing a therapist and have found out that it is deeply rooted issues stemming from my childhood. Essentially that my safest place is withdrawing and not allowing myself to be vulnerable.

I reached out to her explaining what I have been learning about myself, but have received no response. I'm convincing myself that I don't need her, but I know deep down I want to have her along with me while I learn about myself.

I dont know that I have any real questions for everyone here, I'm just very confused and at a loss on where I should go from here.