Am I being picky?
Is it wrong to be "picky" about who you go in a relationship with, it's just that I don't want to get into a meaningless relationship with someone.
I'm so use to people leaving me and people being unloyal that I'm also scared of going into relationships.
and the person I am in public is so different to the person at home that if I be myself they won't like me.
But im also scared of being alone and depressed for the rest of my life, I'm already lonely enough and I really want to be with someone but fear and "pickiness" stops me.
i was in this relation with a girl but I was scared of her feelings getting hurt or mine so I broke off early + I was going through a really bad time and we bearly knew each other, so we stayed friends.
but now I just think of her and I want to tell her why I broke it off early and how I'm depressed and give her a chance but we are also so different with interests, I feel like that is the picky side.
i don't know what to say anymore there are so many thoughts and I don't know what to write.
Being picky about relationships can be a good thing but not when it's fueled by fear. It's understandable you're afraid of being hurt. But as you said, that causes you to be lonely.
In relationships having different interests can actually be a good thing. You might find something new you enjoy, you may complement her traits by having skills or knowledge she doesn't, and it will also allow each of you alone time. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're with that person 24/7. Everyone needs time to themselves.
People usually reveal their "true" selves slowly until they know they can trust the other person. You don't have to tell her your deepest, darkest secret on the first date. Or fart on the second. You slowly get to know each other. Remember, she probably won't be totally comfortable with you at first either.
Trust and loyalty grow over time. But you have to be willing to risk it in order to get what you want, just like anything else in life. Think of it this way: if you want a relationship but you never try you *will* be lonely. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Hope this helped a little.
@HLAlone Being picky and being afraid are two very different things. Being picky is making sure that you choose the person that you think would be right for you in every aspect however being afraid is stopping yourself from being with someone because you are worried they would hurt you.
Relationships can be scary and challenging but make sure you always do what makes you happy and comfortable :)
I kinda went through a blip that was a lot like what you described.
And I mean I think it's ok to be picky, and you gave fair reasons, you want to stay emotionally safe, and maybe staying at a sage distance, not too close and not too far, is the most ideal.
But I also understand the questioning, like, sometimes it seems as if being in a relationship is more fulfilling.
But I also know you can't just force yourself to desire someone in that way just because you want the role filled. And having different interests and views can even feel lonely sometimes...which is not a good feeling to have in a relationship of course...
Idk...
@HLAlone
I think being picky to an extent is not a bad thing. If it's pickiness in that you don't want to just get together with anyone that's willing, I think in the long term will actually be alright. I think a lot of people get into relationships for the sake of being in one, and kind of forget what being in a relatoinship is actually about. Getting into relatoinships that are not really worth it in the end, or where you're just too different and not actually friends to begin with usually end in more confusion and unnecessary hurt. That being said, being too picky is also not too great. If it's being picky in the way that you write people off immediately after discovering something about them you don't like, and assuming it won't work, that would be 'too picky'. It's okay to give people a chance or to let friendships develop, but it's also good to remain reserved, and not do things just for the sake of doing them.