Alone but not alone in one's journey.

In a city of 6million, a room full of 100 people or in a gathering of 10 at a table i feel alone. Very much alone. I've always felt like i dont belong, that I'm different.

I thought i found my soul mate. For once, the little girl no longer stood, shuffling on her feet alone, in the dark corner. She had a friend to play with. She giggled.

But recently, when i needed them the most, they were not there. They let me down. Not the first time. No acceptable reasons.

I came to a very sad realisation... they just don't care enough. That little boy wasn't there to play with her. That little boy was just as lonely himself and now he's found a new toy, he no longer meets her.

She's a beautiful girl that no one seems to want. She takes her time finding what she really wants but when she reaches for it, it seems like it never was meant for her. It seems like nothing is meant for her. Like she was never meant to find happiness, someone to just love her and be there for her. It's as if that is just too much to ask.

Feeling very much alone and undeserving of love.

These are the negative defeatist projections I'm feeling right now. Often i counteract these thoughts with positive alternatives but i just felt i needed to release the negativity so it doesn't consume me.