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MySty2
15,959 M Progress Road 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts1,906 Forum posts30 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceJune 4, 2021
Recent forum posts
Trully loving someone is difficult ...
Relationship Stress / by MySty2
Last post
 September 18th, 2021
...See more What is the right balance between self respect and unconditionally love?
Alone but not alone in one's journey.
Relationship Stress / by MySty2
Last post
 September 13th, 2021
...See more In a city of 6million, a room full of 100 people or in a gathering of 10 at a table i feel alone. Very much alone. I've always felt like i dont belong, that I'm different. I thought i found my soul mate. For once, the little girl no longer stood, shuffling on her feet alone, in the dark corner. She had a friend to play with. She giggled. But recently, when i needed them the most, they were not there. They let me down. Not the first time. No acceptable reasons. I came to a very sad realisation... they just don't care enough. That little boy wasn't there to play with her. That little boy was just as lonely himself and now he's found a new toy, he no longer meets her. She's a beautiful girl that no one seems to want. She takes her time finding what she really wants but when she reaches for it, it seems like it never was meant for her. It seems like nothing is meant for her. Like she was never meant to find happiness, someone to just love her and be there for her. It's as if that is just too much to ask. Feeling very much alone and undeserving of love. These are the negative defeatist projections I'm feeling right now. Often i counteract these thoughts with positive alternatives but i just felt i needed to release the negativity so it doesn't consume me.
Feeling defeated
35 & Over Community / by MySty2
Last post
 August 31st, 2021
...See more I'm a woman in my late 40s never married, no kids, not even a career I'm proud of. I have been in long term relationships but they were never the one. People perceive me as being strong and capable. I am. I've had to be. I'm the only one in the family that gets things done. Any unsecurities and vulnerabilities I've had to manage myself. I constantly have to give. These constant lockdowns have taken it's toll. I feel stupid for admitting it as i have alot to be grateful for. I can work from home, i still have a steady income. My anxiety became acute. A great sense of lost opportunities in life and that I'm running out of time. I'm in a long distance relationship (complicated) and the connection has been amazing. But lately it's taken a turn. I've become more insecure, reacting and interpreting things that may or may not be there, exhibiting my anxieties and projecting my insecurities to my partner. It's caused a distance. I've been down this journey before and it has cost me relationships. I'm scared. I've become so insecure that I'm clingy and doubting myself. I feel like I'm a shadow of my former self. I feel i haven't got any area of my life right. Everything i attempt it feels like I'm doing it slowly and torturingly the hard way. It's like, I'm carting a trailer full of responsibilities and self doubt along a rocky path up the hill on my own. I admitted to my partner that for the furst time in our relationship i feel like I'm standing alone. He asked me what i suggest and i couldn't tell him. I feel like how i am feeling is wrong and ugly, that by sharing it with him I've cause irreparable damage to our relationship. I'm confused and counter arguing within myself about my insecurities and this relationship. What i want is quite simple really - to be loved unconditionally in my craziest and weakest, darkest moments. To be accepted for who i am, for someone to love me enough. Yet it appears its too much to ask. So now i have given up. I'm defeated. I don't even go out of the house anymore and dont feel compelled to socialise. I've spent a good 10 years trying to be self sustained. Yet i continue to feel the acuteness of loneliness, the feeling that I'm on my own. Unloveable, old, unwanted, past expiry date. Heavy sigh 😔 This is the first time I'm able to express this. Does anyone feel the same?
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