Advice on my relationship.
Hello Everyone,
Am completely new to this. I would like some male and female advice.
I am in a relationship where we been together for 1 year. My previous relationship was for three years, but was abusive, specially mentally and verbally.
My partner now is lovely, however there are somethings that bother me. I am needy and clingy, which I am trying to change. I dont have many friends due to my trusts issues so I rely a lot on him, which I know is a lot.
His very strong headed, where am more softer and just go along with whatever.
Whats bothering me is.. sometimes I feel its one rule for him and another for him.
He does really tell me what his doing or where his going. He just goes and says Ill be back. We have a distant relationship but i stay over his mums house with him sometimes. He doesnt even infront of his mum, annoys me as I tell him all my moves.
There are also times where I childishly may not text back quick or answer his call, only because he also does the same. I know his on his phone and he can see my text but he chooses to ignore them. I have told him this and i have said ig your busy let me know And thats it. But he doesnt, and feels am controling him or dont trust him.
Your opinions? It affets me i have sepresion and anxiety, butdont lnow if this all bothers m because og my issues.
@LeidyInBlue Hey Blue, Welcome!
I am sorry to hear about your past relationship and how things are in present one. It is not an easy journey.
I guess everyone is different and so their way of communication and understanding. Our past experiences also influence the current relationship. We do not want to experience same as did in previous one and that is why we try almost everything that makes sense to us. So it is natural to do what you are doing.
But I guess you may need to understand his behavior patterns and then communicate.
Also I understand that due to trust issues and not many friends, it is natural to want him to be around as we seek a friend too in our partner.
But maybe you can try to build your own personal space or a little time for yourself where you can do things that you enjoy without him. It is important to have self love and self care.
So was he like this from starting or you observed the change after an year of relationship?
@LeidyInBlue, Hi. The way you've described the relationship, you are dependant on your partner. Do you feel that you are. if so, this is not healthy for you but also not good for your partner. The fact that he disregards you and does his own thing without discussing with you, has this always been the way or is it that he has become like this?
youve had a tough time and currently have your own issues going on. Is it time that you focus on you? work on your anxiety and learn to be a whole person so that a relationship to you would be two people who want to be together instead of being with someone who seems not to be helping your depression or anxiety. You have clearly stated your thoughts of the relationship. if someone wrote that query to you, what would you advise them? your stronger than you think
Was it after the honeymoon period ended, when the excitment died down. Thats when you generally see the real person. (we all put our best foot forward in new relationships) would you consider starting a self help class or therapy, help you grow. If you are more assertive and confident, and he remains as is, maybe that's his loss. But reading your message, I would say concentrate on you so that you function without having to depend on another person. You write negativley about yourself, but your clearly articulate, open, kind and want to be happy. Only you can make you happy.
my previous relationship became a c-odependant one, where I was dependant on him for friends, going out etc and slowly that stopped and before i knew it, i was in a controlling abusive relationship. I'm really struggling now it is over, i'm getting therapy and i'm talking to people. (before i would never tell anyone about my private life but i hit a sink or swim suitation) Its a small handful of people i talk to, new friends who i decided to trust. I feel for you as it's awful to depend on anyone (it's lovely to have the option but when you can't go to the bar and order a drink cause your confidence is gone, thats dependance) You've make a step forward by putting it out there 
@kitty54
am so sorry you have also experienced that.., I feel my past emotionally and mentally has put me down, but I do want to get better.
i would love to continue talking to you... any where private we can talk?
@LeidyInBlue, hi, I'm mot 100% sure, I think there is a message option via each persons profile. You want to do something, that is great and a definite point to start working from...
@LeidyInBlue i'm so glad that you've managed to find someone with a better personality, congrats on your new relationship! <3 but it seems like he isn't giving you the security that you need despite you communicating this issue with him time and time again. i get it, it seems like you're being controlling over his life when all you really needed was a few short words telling you that he's busy. it's not going to be easy for him to change if he's been like that all along, but i do wish he'd spare you some thoughts that all you needed was assurance on his safety. there's only so much we could advice on, what would you feel is the next best course of action? perhaps talking about each other's plans the night before, communicating about how this issue has been affecting you... all the best leidy! 