Sex and Guilt TW sexual abuse
So when I was growing up I was taken advantage of sexually for about a decade. I then was sexually assaulted at age 18. I have a serious bf now who is totally amazing and I feel so safe with. I apparently have an insanely high sex drive so sometimes he'll tease me about it. I think it's because obviously it feels good and good makes the bad feelings go away for a bit. It's weird because as much as I love sex with him I find the idea of intimacy overwhelming and usually have to drink beforehand and feel insanely guilty afterwards like I've done something wrong by doing what normal people naturally do with someone they love and trust in that manner. Is this something anyone else struggles with? I feel really alone in this and like i may never be able to connect to someone in this way without feeling guilty.
@unbrokenhearts
Hi. Thank you for sharing,I'm sad that you have had to go all though this, but happy to hear that you have a serious bf whoi you feel safe with.
it tfeels good and good makes the bad feelings go away for a bit. - are you saying that it is normal for you to have these bad feelings , and in some way you are using sex to numb them out?
usually have to drink beforehand - and is the same for the alcohol, or do you need that in order to be able to have enjoyable sex?
feel insanely guilty afterwards like I've done something wrong - you have nothing to feel guilty about , but given all that you have been through, its understandable that there should be some feelings around this, don't you think?
I feel really alone in this - hopefully in some small way just by reaching out you dont feel quite as alone, altho I get that this is a very personal thing to deal with.
I hope that this helps, even in a small way and if you ever want/need to chat, I am a listener here, you are more than welcome to drop me a message.
Take care
paul
@unbrokenhearts I feel like this too sometimes. Sometimes I am afraid the only thing my boy friend likes about me is sex and I need to prove myself sexually, but this is my own insecurities and distrust of men in general that makes me feel this way, not my boyfriend.
