Help?

Hi. So this is really hard for me to talk about, because we'll it's sex.

I'm 21, married going on 4yrs. I have two toddlers and depression.

Anyways, I am kind of a clumsy, awkward person. This makes it SUPER hard to "try to be sexy". I kid you not every time I've tried it's been an epic failure. From initiating/seducing sex to trying sexy outfits to trying new things.

Anyways, my husband is the type who can't keep his paws off which in a way is good I guess since my stretched out, flabby body & depression basically kill it for me. He tries to reassure me but well even as a 120lb teenager I thought I was fat (my mom and my brother always told me I was growing up). I am working on losing weight but no matter how good I eat and how hard I try I'm just not.

It seems like when he initiates and I go along with it, it goes great or at least okay. Sometimes I do it just for him (he doesnt know that) because I can't just flip a switch with depression. I just want to be loved on like cuddles and hugs and kisses, most of the time I'm not at all interested in sex. But obviously he has needs and occasionally when I do it for him I have fun too. I could really use some help I'm 21 I shouldn't dislike sex, I'm not 100!