Healing feelings of shame and guilt around sex?

@dynamicHemlock1736

Hi - I also experience this. I feel like if one is suffering from anxiety or any form of attachment disorder, I totally get where this is coming from. I always feel so awful when my partner gives back or even thinking about sex sometimes in general. What I have to really tell myself, is that sex is the cherry on top. A relationship is built off of love and trust and fun. Sex, if you desire to have it, is simply for fun and another form of connection. If you feel pressured to have it, just because it is the "normal thing to do," you may not want to have it for now. If you feel like a "giver," I am sure your partner feels the same way. Maybe put yourself in their shoes and think what it would be like to receive such a lovely gift as yourself. I am sure you enjoy giving, so they probably feel the same way. They love you and wouldn't want to share such an intimate moment with someone, unless they also truly wanted to have fun and make you feel good too. You are deserving of sexual pleasure, and, I know it is much harder done than said, but trust your partner if they are telling you they also appreciate giving you the gift of pleasure. If you like it, you definitely know what it is like to give and how lovely it feels to make someone else feel good. :)

Men get pleasure from a partner’s pleasure during sex. men often feel responsible for her pleasure or for the lack of an ***. Men tend to feel guilty if there’s no ***. They also want you to have fun and make you feel good too. As a woman you are deserving of sexual pleasure, and they are wanting you to get the gift of pleasure. 

@dynamicHemlock1736

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing guilt and struggle with receiving pleasure in your sexual experiences. Many people can relate to feeling conflicted about their own pleasure, especially in intimate settings. Here are some tips that might help you work through these feelings:

1. Explore the Root Cause: You mentioned that these feelings may stem from previous traumatic sexual encounters. It could be helpful to explore these experiences further with a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual trauma. Understanding the root cause can often lead to greater awareness and healing.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself and recognize that your feelings are valid. It's okay to experience pleasure and to prioritize your own needs in a consensual and respectful relationship. Remind yourself that experiencing pleasure is a natural and healthy part of intimacy.

3. Communicate with Your Partner: Open and honest communication with your partner is essential. Share your feelings and concerns with them in a non-blaming way. Let them know that you're working through these issues and ask for their support and understanding.

4. Focus on Mutual Pleasure: Instead of viewing sexual encounters as one-sided (giver vs. receiver), focus on mutual pleasure and connection. Explore activities and techniques that bring pleasure to both you and your partner, creating a shared experience of intimacy.

5. Therapy and Support Groups: Consider seeking therapy or joining support groups focused on sexual health and healing. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, learn coping strategies, and develop healthier perspectives on sex and pleasure.

6. Educate Yourself: Educating yourself about healthy sexuality, consent, and pleasure can also be empowering. There are many resources, books, and online articles that discuss these topics in a supportive and informative manner.

7. Self-Reflection and Journaling: Take time for self-reflection and journaling to explore your thoughts and emotions surrounding sex and pleasure. Writing down your feelings can help clarify your thoughts and identify patterns or triggers.

Remember, healing takes time and patience. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and seek support when needed. You deserve to experience pleasure and intimacy in a way that feels safe and fulfilling to you.