Feeling really disconnected

I’m so tired and anxious. I battled all day over whether or not I should go to a guys hotel room to hookup with him. In the end I didn’t go and blocked his sna/pchat user but it left me feeling even more lonely and ashamed of even trying to get a connection to somebody that way. I’ve struggled with negative mental health issues as a result of sexting in the past and it’s like a drug that I know won’t have good consequences but it’s something I still (while more rarely) do.

i also recently went through a sexual assault by a friend. Overall I’m just very lonely, seeking connection the only way I’ve seen works even though that way isn’t a positive connection. I hate hookup culture, likely for the reasons above, but continue to do it cause it’s the norm for college students like me. Honestly I’m very tired of feeling sad, I’ve been going to biweekly therapy but there’s just nothing that feels like it’s working. This situation tonight felt like a setback cause I haven’t allowed myself to sext in so long, and it feels like I knew my boundaries but dismissed them because I didn’t want to let the stranger behind the other phone down. I’m just struggling a lot recently and trying to see the good in things but it’s really difficult sometimes