helpless to let go

due to our past hisotry with my hubsnad. i feel it hard to trust my husband. like whenever he said that he loves me or he miss me. i do not belive it.

my husband cheated on me when we were emgaged. but the day he got married he is clean and i am sure about it. i am unable to forgive him for the lie deep down.

he ask for forgivness countless time and i did forgive him at that moment.

but theese thought they got trigger over minor things.

i dont know how to move on. its been 4.5 years but i am still stuck there. i feel so helpless. i do not know what to how to do. how to let if go.and be at peace. and to feel happy again.