cold war
My girlfriend and I are fighting and I don’t know how to talk to her. I feel like I’m in a “freeze” response because anything I say will be used against me and she seems to be on the verge of breaking up with me. I don’t know what to do.
What are you fighting about? Can you call a truce and agree to talk when you're both calm?
@confusedRaven6140
She is angry because I was really unsociable at her sister’s wedding yesterday and I am annoyed because I didn’t like a comment that her aunt said to me at the start of the wedding and which kind of put me in a bad mood. It’s complicated but essentially her aunt suggested that my job was essentially a criminal cartel. I was bummed because I was really looking forward to getting to know this aunt but that was the first comment she made to me and I didn’t really know almost anyone at this wedding. I also knew that my girlfriend had a really complicated and toxic relationship with a lot of her family members so I didn’t want to engage with most of them because I didn’t know if she wanted me to. But now she is mad at me for not engaging more at the wedding.
For context, I work as a union rep at a labor union. I know people have different opinions about unions, but my first conversation with her aunt, which my girlfriend had got me all excited to meet, went like this.
Aunt: so what do you do for work
me: I work as a union rep at a labor union
Aunt: Oh. The original racket.
Me: Ha, funny.
And then we didn’t really talk much after that. It was just really awkward for me and I’m not super extroverted in general but I was just trying to get through the wedding. And now my girlfriend is mad because I didn’t talk much during the wedding, and she is even more mad now apparently when I told her about the conversation I had and how it made me feel even more uncomfortable than I already did. So…. yeah. That’s pretty much tbe context of the argument
@eumesmo
I mean, I don't really know what to say besides just try to talk about it when you've both had time to calm down. Escalating arguments is never a good solution.
@confusedRaven6140
Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just stressful. I guess I can try to talk to her about it tomorrow…
weddings and events like that are stress filled and most often i come away with i could have been more talkative and or my spouse could have etc....or worse yet if he said something i wish he had not......
many times a no win situation ..... you did not know many and although i see why the aunts comment put u off was not really a big deal IMO ........think your GF just wants everyone to like you and for you to fit in even though you said she has toxic relationships with some family
