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Wife cheated

User Profile: Kagolden3
Kagolden3 July 3rd, 2022

My wife and I have been married for 8 years now. We don’t have a normal marriage in the sense that we have a kind of open marriage. But of course, we have had boundaries and rules. The rules are pretty simple: If either of us feel uncomfortable with someone, we end it immediately. We never hide things. And we don’t do anything without each other’s permission.


3 weeks ago I caught her deleting texts from 2 different guys she works with. When I confronted her about it, she gave a bs excuse saying they said inappropriate things that I wouldn’t like and she told them to stop but she thought I would be mad and deleted them…..well I didn’t buy that. So I threatened to get a polygraph done so that it could put my mind at ease. After 2 weeks of her slowly releasing bits of information, once she realized the polygraph was happening, she admitted to cheating on me 4 times with 4 different guys in the last 4 years. 3 of them within the last 2 months. And all of them were coworkers.


She claims that she was just selfish and nothing I did or anything about our marriage caused her to do this. So I am at a loss on what to do. I love her, but I can’t be treated this way. She claims she wants to work on things and save our marriage but how do I forgive her? I’m so lost and hurt….

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User Profile: 0m
0m July 4th, 2022

@Kagolden3

It is a difficult situation you've described. It appears that she has intentionally broken all 3 rules of your trust system multiple times and only owned up because she got caught. Her confession wasn't driven by remorse or guilt or a need for forgiveness.

You are right, it is unfair. I'm not sure how that sort of breach of trust can be repaired, if at all.

Do you think she would agree to marriage counseling?


2 replies
User Profile: Kagolden3
Kagolden3 OP July 5th, 2022

Thank you for the reply. She has since agreed to marriage counseling. And while I hope we can work things out and she can change….I don’t have high hopes. Which makes me sad because we have 3 kids together and I never wanted them to grow up in a broken home.

1 reply
User Profile: 0m
0m July 5th, 2022

@Kagolden3

Much strength to you. I hope the counselling is able to find a way forward for you both. <3

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User Profile: dukeofdearham
dukeofdearham July 8th, 2022
These things happen. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore. Maybe there is something lacking for her. An emotional need she has, maybe always had, and it just came out
She wants to do counseling, that is a good sign.
I understand you feel hurt. But try to understand her. Don't give in to emotions by getting angry, that will only create a rift between the two of you. She confessed, that is a big thing. Not everyone would do that. It means there is trust on her side, that she feels safe enough with you to confess. Thank her for that, tell her you know confessing must have been hard and confronting to her, that you appreciate. How hard it might be, approach her with love. When you start to feel tense, take a deep breathe. Do not react on emotion. Walk away. Take time for yourself. Tell her you need alone time and tell her, and this is very important, it is not personal. She does seem to love you. Focus on that.
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